May 3, 2024

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The year is 1997 and a 30 something naive huckleberry from the Midwest has moved to Hollywood (like millions of others throughout  history) with stars in his eyes and hope in his heart to make in big in LA-LA land.  Having met with no success (except extra work through Central Casting-shout out but not REALLY acting work) our hero finally lands his first commercial/infomercial for a company called The Hair Factory.  This first taste of success, which greatly bolstered his confidence that he could make it, was cast, written, and directed by a young film student graduate recently moved to LA named Thunder Levin.  If you don't recognize the name, he went on to later success as the creator of the SHARKNADO series of movies, which have made BILLIONS of dollars of revenue. (While yours truly went on to very little success in comparison.)  Still, I am forever thankful to Thunder Levin for giving me my first break and inspiring me to go on in Hollywood to seek the American Dream.  This is my first tribute review (in appreciation, though I will spare no barbs-you know how I am) to the work of Thunder Levin and his 2013 sci-fi epic-AE:  APOCALYPSE EARTH (written AND directed by Thunder (multi-talented) Levin.)   This Asylum Films  offering (if you don't know, Asylum  specializes in putting out  low budget, decently made mockbusters of the Big Budget Blockbusters-preferably quickly made and released about the same time or before.  AE is a knock-off of the Will Smith and son mega-flop AFTER EARTH.)  stars Sci-Fy  pin-up boys Adrian Paul and Richard Grieco.  We begin this alien invasion saga with Lt. Frank Baum (Paul) loading up Capt. Sam Crowe's  humanity lifeboat the N.A.S.S. ALBERT EINSTEIN for the trip to our new home at Alpha Proxima 5.  Lifting off, Frank wants to return and defend Earth (and his family) but Capt. Sam says no way, our ass is kicked we're heading to our new crib-time for cryo sleep. (Which consists of an oxygen cannula  and thin transistor-type wires attached to electrodes on the head-some cryo sleep, it looks 70's ish)  Arriving at the planet, this ship burns in the atmosphere and literally EXPLODES upon landing in the jungle world-YET somehow a lot of the people survive.  From the frying pan into the fire, the woozy, wounded Earthlings and a race of albino humanoid natives are being hunted by cloaked alien savages (the cloaking looks like the PREDATOR movies and is well done, but the NP here is even when they are killed, they don't uncloak so we never see what they look like-saves on make-up budget, I guess)  Frank and injured Sam gather the survivors from the ship and a nearby surviving ship-the N.A.S.S. ISAAC NEWTON.  Heading back to the intact ISAAC NEWTON to regroup, they are attacked by giant, super-imposed bugs and are saved by a beautiful, camouflage-pigmented humanoid named Lea. (She likes Frank's fatigue pants...duh)  Helping the group return to the intact ship, they have to avoid an alien flying ship and a giant  lizard (pretty weak visuals) with the additional help of T.I.M.-an incredibly blatant DATA rip-off from Star Trek (except TIM can use contractions).  Frank and Lea feel the sparks and have a waterfall pool sexual episode (wife and 5 YO daughter are far away and probably dead, after all) .  Frank asks Lea if her pale people will help fight the Chameleons and she leads them through the mountain to try, but reveals that she has been cast out of the whitey society because of her different skin color (sledgehammer subtle message on racism and discrimination much?)  Translator T.I.M. convinces the people that the Chameleons are the enemy of all and they break out the weapons cache (all types of weapons from many times and  races) and the battle is on!  Having to carry a fuel cel from one ship  to  the flyable one, many die and the battle rages.  Frank and Lea survive a methane blast and are concealed from the aliens by a giant fern blanket.  As they rise when the aliens pass by, we are treated to a spectacular Nip-Slip at 1:11.13 in (censors probably couldn't see it, it's camouflaged!)  As they try to escape down the river, they look done for as Chameleon ship is ready to blast them, but Sam and TIM save them at the last minute in the newly-refueled N.A.S.S ship. (NP here-It takes the war weaponized Earth battle ship several rounds to take down the alien ship, but they took one earlier spaceship down with small weapons fire?  NO!)  As the survivors wing off into space to return to Earth, T.I.M. makes a startling revelation to Captain Sam and the inter-racial lovebirds.  Turns out the cryo limit was 100 years of suspension and when TIM didn't find any inhabitable worlds within 50 years, he instructed the ship to return to Earth (didn't do their homework very well on a destination planet it seems).  Unfortunately, 100 years through space=325,00 years on Earth!  Whoops! ("Relativity is a bitch" opines Sam-best line)  Since they are ALREADY home, the only option is to take back the planet says Frank.  As they settle the ship down on a plateau, we pan down to see the Mount Rushmore presidents overgrown and eroding below. (Planet of the Apes finale or what?)  With a decent amalgamated, hodge-podge of a script, OK acting , and passable special effects, this hour and a half B-movie was a pleasant diversion for Sci-Fy channel aficionados (but maybe not for everyone) and I give this fast-paced survival saga a MTSR of YELLOW.  See it if you like the genre (Hats (hairpieces!?) off, Thunder-it's an above average effort) don't if you don't .  This is Avery (Space) Mann, signing off.

Hey, did you ever want to have an imaginary scapegoat to blame all your f-ups on and to use as an excuse to get out of  all of life's unpleasant obligations?  Well, if you did, RICKY STANICKY is your jam!  This deplorable, despicable, vulgar, raunchy comedy with a heart of gold is directed by one of the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers-Peter Farrelly, and stars John Cena as the (fictitious) title character Ricky Stanicky.   The movie opens with a flashback to 1999 and 3 best buds Dean, JT, and Wes pulling a Halloween flaming bag of poop gag on some old crank and it backfires, setting the porch on fire.  As they flee, Dean writes Ricky Stanicky on the collar of a burnt shirt.  Police find it and blame the crime on some out-of-town kid, and the perpetual scapegoat of Ricky Stanicky is born.  Flash forward to the present time and baby shower victims Dean and JT get a call from Ricky-the testicular cancer is back and he's all alone.  Compassionate wives tell the boys to attend their friend and the dupe is on yet again.  This time it's a concert in Atlantic City and they meet Wes (Ricky caller) for a get out of jail free good time.  At the bar afterward, they are hit up by alcoholic moocher Rock Hard Rod (Cena) for a drink and fried calamari.  Rod promises them comps to his show at the Slot Swamp (not staying there ever) where he does a show of celebrity impersonator/Weird Al  mash-ups of songs about jerking off (a masturbation medley, if you please).  The funniest part of the movie by far is the montage of Rod channeling Devo ("When a penis cums along, you must grip it"), Alice Cooper, Billy Idol, even Peter Frampton (Frampton Cums Alive, maybe?  "Ooh, baby I masturbate...every day."  Pure Farrelly-style comedy gold!)  Rod favors the boys with a good Owen Wilson impression (he is a professionally-trained  actor, after all-it's on his business card) and then a very disturbing and vulgar impression of his Dad calling him a "shit" baby!  (If you need a graphic explanation, and they give one whether you wanted it or not, is a "shit" baby results from back-door relations, issue on butt running down the crack and around to the baby tunnel,  resulting in little Rod.  EWW, no wonder the poor guy is an alcoholic misfit!)  Rod gives Dean his card and amscrays, as two bad dudes are looking for him at the casino.  JT and the boys are in hot water too, as Susan has gone into labor while their phones were off.  Rushing back (too late) the boys are grilled on their story and slip up a little, causing suspicion. (The lying bastards have kept a Ricky "Bible" chronicling all their stories to keep them straight, but accidents happen.)  JT's mother in law Leona doesn't believe Ricky exists  and challenges them to produce a Ricky appearance at baby Whitaker's bris.  Dean comes up with the brilliant solution of hiring Rod to play Ricky (after studying the "Bible, of course) and here...we...Go!  Rod debarks the plane in a sweaty, twitchy, withdrawal state and pisses his pants.  Wes takes him home to clean him up for the bris and JT and Dean head home for the party. (Obvious NP to address-John Cena is ripped.  When Wes observes "If you're an alcoholic Rod, how are you so, you know, buff?  Rod replies "Steroids, I got hooked on those too."  That explains that, I guess.) Seems not all the lies make it into the Bible, as Wes tells Rod/Ricky that he used him as a fictional bi ex to encourage his present boyfriend Keith into a relationship.  Awkward!  Rod (now officially Ricky Stanicky, he has studied the book and he's a pro, remember) blows into the party for some bris-ness, wowing everyone in his path. ("Ricky, you're still a handful" states Mom.  "Well, half a handful!" shoots back Ricky, because of the nut cancer-hilarious.)  Ricky pisses off Dean and JT's boss Ted Summerhayes (Nit-Pick here-how did best friends Dean and JT come to work at the very same office all these years later?  That doesn't happen in real life even if they followed identical career paths.) then earns his respect by telling him how much good he could do in the world with his money and influence.  Typical Green Good world hugger talk, that Ricky is a hero and even skeptic Leona is convinced.  The Rabbi mohel who thinks he's a stand-up comedian (a funny Jeff Ross-"No cocktail shrimp for me, I prefer those little weenies." and "I don't want any fee for this bris, but I'm keeping the tips."  best lines!) arrives  and through a series of hi-jinks, gets drugged and collapses halfway through the cutting.  As a supposed volunteer circumciser  in Africa, Ricky steps in ("I can pull it off" he states-get it?) and finishes the job with Ted's cigar cutter-classic!  ("Just a little off the old Tip-arello" great lines for Cena.)  A hero to all, the boys pay Rod and send him off in a cab-job well done.  Problem is Rod wants to stay and BE Ricky, it's the first time he's felt the love in his whole life.  Despicable Dean and jack-ass JT arrive at work the next day, smugly feeling they saved the Stanicky legacy, find out that Ted has hired Ricky (for $250,000 a year) to help with the World River merger, because of his extensive fictitious world saving experience.  Sensing disaster and a collapse of their fictitious (and Real) lives, the boys try to sabotage Ricky to get him fired.  Every effort seems to backfire (including an hilarious  "air-dicking" montage of Ted (always funny William H, Macy)  speaking at meetings and hand gesturing, well, you know.  Shots include a double dicking and a two-handed monster dong  grab-very funny!)  The Stanicky legend continues to grow until Dean finds out his reporter wife  Erin scored a gig doing a "Hero of the Week"show for television and the first segment is going to be Ricky Stanicky! (Cue the tunnel-vision stroke mode for Dean as Erin tells him the news.)  Dean corners and  threatens Rod to leave before all the lying pigs lives are ruined, but Rod has legally changed his name to Richard Barbara Stanicky and he's staying! ("My whole life, all I've ever been is a "shit" baby" laments Rod-he's got a point.)  We get a funny bonding scenes at the bowling alley as Carly (Farrelly's daughter) gets her 5 foot long hair caught in the bowling ball return and the balls smash into her head as she's lying there.  We also see Dean and Wes at a bar when Dean whines he's gonna be cancelled at work and with Erin when the shit inevitably hits the fan and Ricky is exposed.   Wise Wes replies "Man, do you realize Rod had a fake life and made it real and you had a real life and made it fake?"  Wes also confesses he knows Dean's father used to beat him and that's why Dean is afraid to have a child with Erin-because he may turn out to be the same way.  Faced with no other options (if he wants any hope of keeping Erin) Dean finally confesses the truth to her.  But she already knows!  Ricky has showed her the Bible.  We close the movie with the "Hero of the Week" unmasking of fake Rick, but it doesn't go down like that.  Suffice it to say , I didn't see this ending coming and I won't give it away because it is very satisfying.  John Cena has come a long way as an actor and he's really good in this.  Add in some good supporting cast, great Farrelly-style writing (if you can stand the crudeness and vulgarity-I could)  and I give this R-rated romp a MTSR of GREEN.  (P.S.-If nothing else, it's worth it for the scene of 2 dogs going at it missionary style, you don't see that every day!)  This has been Avery Mann and Plotflaws.com-that's all for this week.  Here's hoping we all get to live the lives we want, life's too short to settle for anything less.

Good evening and welcome to the night.   This weeks victims (literally) are aboard THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER.   The movie opens with the explanatory scroll:  In 1897, the Russian schooner Demeter was chartered to carry 50 crates from Romania to England-arrived empty. (Duh)  The search crew in Whitby, England finds the wrecked boat and the captain's log.  Flash back to 4 weeks earlier and we see a wagon train hauling crates marked with a dragon symbol through the gorgeous Carpathian Mountains to the port of Varna, Bulgaria.  The caravan drops off crates, spits on ground, pays off the captain, and splits (before sundown, hmmm)  Short 3 crewman, captain Eliot  at first rejects soft-handed doctor Clemens (seeking passage to England) but then takes him on as ship's doc and astronomer/navigator (lots o' hats for this guy) after he saves the cap's grandson from a falling crate.  Setting sail July 6 with crew and passengers (20 total), we see the Romanian caravan heading back, making the sign of the cross from the hill overlooking the harbor. (HUGE NP-If the Romanians knew what they were carrying, (and they certainly did) why didn't they just stop in the middle of a big field at high noon, crack open those crates, and have a big weeny (and giney) roast right there?  Pocket the $ and head home.)  Back at sea, captain Eliot reveals to quartermaster Wojchek he is retiring and the boat is his.  Rough seas break open a crate and WHAAT-a half-dead girl is inside! (Stowaway claims Wojchek-Really?  How did she breathe covered in dirt?)  Cambridge-trained doc Clemens (smarty-pants) gives Anna blood transfusions from a device that looks like two needle-tipped tubes  with a bulb pump in the middle (did they really have these?) to treat her presumed infection.  The next night, ship's dog Huckleberry smells a rat (really a bat actually) and investigates. (I always thought animals could sense evil danger, not this time)  Next morning, all the animals are slaughtered (and no one heard anything?) along with the numerous rats seen earlier.  Stupid crew blames Anna-infection!  Rabies!  Feverish Anna then warns the crew an evil monster named Dracula is aboard the ship , and having snacked on the livestock, is looking for more vittles each night, ie the crew.  (NP-At this point, I'm hopping in the dinghy and heading for shore at dawn's first light pronto!)  The crew searches for the Prince of D (mainly at night???) and can't find him. (NP-not that big a ship, where is he hiding?)  The Count bites crewman Olgaren, turning him into a Draccy lackey, and he helps him get to the sweet meat of the captain's grandson Toby (we see Drac bite Toby on the back of the neck, but the wound shows on the SIDE of the neck?  Plotflaw!)  Captured crewman Olgaren bursts into flames at dawn, proving Anna's speech from earlier.  Captain sees dead Toby move, goes over and kid vamp turns (then burns) and Clemens throws kid vicious into the sea.     Crew wants to scuttle boat but instead decides to open coffins (again, at night by torchlight!?) and finds fancy Dracula crib, but nobody's home. (NP-how does he get in and out?  They can hardly get in.  Transmutation is a bitch.)  Pious cook has seen enough and absconds in the lifeboat (again, at night!) and Dracula, sporting wings now, flies over in the fog for a little midnight snack. (Last NP-somehow the P of D seems to be able to conjure up Perfect Storm seas and a thick cloud bank the movie THE FOG would envy?  C'mon now, we'd have no chance if he could do that!)  Captain and crew dispatched in the storm, last hands standing doc Clemens and Anna seem to stop Drac with a fallen ship's mast. (But do they, really?)  The end shows lone survivor Clemens  being baited by a mysterious aristocrat, disappearing from the bar into the night. (Guess who's coming to dinner?)  Though the movie was well shot in the moody gloom and the actors were passable, the whole premise and execution tried my patience and ultimately, failed like the blood transfusions did.  I hereby give this blood bath a MTSR of RED.  This has been Avery (bat) Mann and this is Plotflaws.  See you next week. (maybe, that is, if you guys show me some love in the views and comments departments.  I'd hate to think I'm doing this for nuthin' )

Welcome back everybody , come on in, sit down and have a drink.  This week we're revisiting  the ROAD HOUSE for a bar-bustin' good time.  Now a lot of men (myself included) consider the 1989 original (starring Patrick Swayze) to be a near-perfect classic guys' movie (drinkin', fightin',  cleaning up  the bad guys and getting the girl) so sad faced pretty boy Jake Gyllenhaal has some big shoes to fill.   I'll try not to be too comparatively judgy, so let's see how he does.  The movie opens with Carter (Post Malone(?!) taking on all comers in an underground fight club scene.  Not ALL comers though when ex-UFC fighter Elwood (Blues Brother tribute?) Dalton pulls back his hood, is recognized, and Posty is out of there.  Bar owner Frankie, there to see Carter as a possible cleaner, offers the job to Dalton instead.  Initially declining, haunted, rage-filled, suicidal Dalton (out of options) Greyhounds it down to Glass Key in FL to take the bouncer job at the Road House (play on name) bar for $5,000 a week for a month.  Debarking, he meets Charlie and her dad Stephen, who run Glass Books.(nice homage here as the restaurant next to bookstore is  named Double Deuce)  Charlie gives him a local book (Fred the Tree) and directions to the Road House, an A-framed tiki bar just down the hwy.  Sitting down inside, he remarks to the bartender "Nice place you got here...peaceful"  Not for long.  Sun goes down and the bar fights begin. (1st Nit-Pick break. 1)  I'm not staying in ANY bar that has chicken wire protecting the bandstand and 2)  You're not breaking a beer bottle by throwing it at chicken wire unless you can throw 100 mph-too much give.  Also an eerie observation here is that the lead singer of the first band looks uncannily like Kelly Lynch, Swayze's doctor love from first movie.)  Enter the biker bad boy posse of the main villain to bust the place up (attempting to force Frankie out of business).  Whoops, wrong night as Dalton kicks their collective asses, then in a Jekyll and Hyde transformation, turns nice guy and drives them to the hospital.  There he meets feisty love interest , Doctor Ellie, who admonishes him and later, woos him. (unfortunately, these two have zero chemistry, unlike the scorching hot love scene between Swayze/Lynch-advantage original film)  Dalton takes up digs at Frankie's unused house boat (cleverly named The Boat) and suffers flashback dreams of his troubled UFC times.  We then cut to main villain Ben Brandt (psychotically well played by Billy Magnussen) admonishing his ass-kicked cronies while getting a straight razor shave aboard his yacht in choppy seas (ya know, because he's an invincible tough guy).  Dalton mentors the bar bouncers in The Way of the Cool, and they learn fast.  Walking back to the boat one night, he is road raged over the bridge into the water by Ben's baddies.  Climbing back up (none the worse for the hit and running) he comes home to be greeted by Thug #1 with a shotgun.  Dispatching him off the boat, Dalton can't save him as crocodile Tick-Tock (Peter Pan reference) comes around for a midnight snack.  More fights and more love interest from the doc lead to Glass Key revelations ("Probably drugs, why do you think they call it the keys" opines harbor master as to the motives of Dalton's persecution.)   More sparks a flying as horny Ellie picks up Dalton for a sand bar date.  More revelations reveal the Brandt family runs Glass Key (son Ben and jailed papa) and have local sheriff Big Dick in their pocket.  They are trying to force Frankie under to build a luxury resort there (she's the last stubborn hold-out).  Back at the yacht, impatient inmate Dad, tired of pussy son's failures, gives a call to even more psychotic enforcer Knox (played by actual UFC madman Conor McGregor, in his movie debut, who literally steals this movie and is given the best lines when we can understand him-great coming out role delivered, watch this guy in the future).  Meanwhile, Big Dick has Dalton brought in for the get out of town treatment and is saved by Frankie, who reveals Big D is her dad and he is owned by the drug peddling Brandts.   Knox swaggers into the Brandt lair and beats some sense into Ben's lackluster lackeys.  Grabbing a driver from  Ben's golf bag, he gathers the boys for another go.  Ben heads into Road House first and taunts Dalton first with the You Tube video of Dalton beating his FRIEND to death in the ring. (Hence the hauntedness, but we never find out the reason for his uncontrollable rage-bad childhood, maybe?)   Gambit failed, Knox heads in  (his first best line-"It's been a while since I been clubbin' " he says brandishing driver.    )  Soon, the whole bar's fighting and cue the Know-Dalton main event (NP here-Knox punches at Dalton twice missing and shattering liquor bottles, but no cuts or blood on knuckles?  NO!)  Dalton is beaten as Knox observes "Dere's something wrong with you...Me too!"  (NP-Everybody has fled bar and it's trashed, but the band plays on?  This isn't the TITANIC!)  Dalton has had enough of this not-my-fight scenario and selfish bitch Frankie tries to shame him with "Are you scared?" line.  Are you kidding?!  Dalton tries  to take the last stagecoach out of Tombstone but is stopped by the sight of the burned bookstore.    He unleashes some more carnage on the evildoers (framing a deputy hauling drug money away after a slaughter at Brandt's crib) and Big Dick corrals him to to save Ellie, being held captive by Brandt in exchange for drug money.  Of course, good guy/psycho Dalton heads out to Brandt's yacht to save her, but it's a double (/double cross) and instead of the money, Big D brought explosives and blows everyone up.  He saves Ellie, but Ben recovers and vengeful Knox arrives to join in the fun.  Boat chases ensue and escape boat crashes into the Double Deuce, I mean the Road House, spilling Ben onto the roof and then water-recovered Knox crashes a truck into the other side of the bar and the Final Countdown begins between Knox and Dalton . (One last great line by McGregor-Dalton says "You're a shit driver!" and Irishman replies "Wrong side of the road" ...classic.)  We all know who comes out on top (And I can't imagine what the insurance fee was to ensure the real UFC  fighter didn't kill the actor accidentally)  and Frankie assesses her ruined bar, claiming "It's OK, it's fixable"  Lady, not even Jon Taffer could Rescue this Bar!  All in all, I found this re-imagining to be inferior to the original, but had enough good characters (I'm looking at you Ben and Knox) and convincing action to give this a MTSR of YELLOW.  See it if you're not hooked on the original and you'll be entertained.

Let's get naughty!  This week we're peeking in the window of THE VOYEURS.  This suspense thriller centers around ophthalmologist Pippa (EUPHORIA sexpot Sydney Sweeney) and her boyfriend Thomas (Justice Smith, who for some reason sounds like he has a mouthful of marbles when he speaks), a musician.  As the movie opens, they are moving into a large industrial loft apartment together in Montreal.  They immediately notice their large windows look directly across to big-windowed apartments across the way.  In one lavish apartment, they spy a beautiful couple starting to go at it.  Pippa stops Thomas from oogling the neighbors (pervert) but that attitude is soon to do a 180.  (And realistically, C'MON.  I'm betting over 90% of people in a similar situation would be watching away if they were alone or knew they wouldn't get caught or have others find out and judge them-it's human nature to observe, perverted or not.)  Pippa heads to work at L'Optique, where we get a nice cut away from an eye being lasered to a soft-boiled egg being sliced open.  Pippa's co-worker encourages her to watch ("If they are exhibitionists, it's like your obligation to watch")  Reassured Pippa and Thomas start the voyeur games and notice that their neighbor is a photographer and not shy about seducing his models for some extra-marital action. (rat-bastard, they think)  As photog Sebastian backdoors his latest subject, aroused Pippa urges Thomas for some of the same as they watch.  Wishing they could hear the action too, Thomas reveals a plan to use a laser pointer microphone set up to catch the sound waves vibrating off the window and reflect them back from a mirror to their apt. for computer deciphering.  (Big Nit-Picks here-this wouldn't work since Seb's pad is below P and T's place and you would have to angle the mirror up to reflect the laser back, which they don't.  Also, the vibration signal would be disrupted passing back through the 2 panes of glass.)   When Seb and wife Julia throw a costume party, the voyeurs seize their chance to crash the party (dressed as the Hamburglars?!) and plant the mirror for their plan. (NP-if you can get in the sex studio, wouldn't you just plant a bug for clearer, more reliable sound?)  Inside the party, Seb the satyr host hauls off Pippa and snaps some pics (possibly cataloging her for a future session?)  Mirror planting mission accomplished, they escape to finish the mic setup. (Pippa makes a crack about the adults  in Charlie Brown talking compared to the unfiltered vocals and Thomas goess "Wah Wah"-He should talk!)  They hear Julia accusing Seb of cheating and he violently turns it around, blaming her insecurities (as cheaters do)  and she buys it and promises to be better.  Too coincidentally, Julia shows up at Pippa's work looking for new glasses.  (Foreshadowing line about her frame selection-"I guess I am the femme fatale" says Julia.  "I think you might be" replies Pippa.  SO true.)   They hit  it off and Julia invites Pippa out.  Incredulous Thomas, who is disgusted now by Seb's increasing  philandering, urges Pippa to butt out, but she ain't having it.  She's voyeur-hooked and thinks she owes it to Julia to expose the bastard.  Thomas storms off to the bar (one of the few times he speaks clearly).  The new gal pals bond (and manipulate each other) on their spa date.  (By the way, bravo on the naked pool swim at the spa-OH, CANADA!)    Later at home, Pippa catches a Seb double feature and thinks "I gotcha"  as Seb hides his used condom in the trash.  Pippa somehow finds their printer location later (How, it's across the street and probably protected?)  and sends over the cheating bastard message.  Julia  pulls a knife, but can't kill sleeping Seb, but later on he CAN apparently kill her, as P and T watch helplessly horrified.  Thomas has had enough ("We're done, it's over.  You  killed that poor woman!")  At work, dead Julia's glasses come in and Pippa gives a breakdown message on the  phone (incriminating much?)   Bereaved, but still voyeur-hooked Pippa ("And the sex was great"-Julia) watches on and follows Seb to the bar Le Royal next door.  (NP-What are you DOING girlfriend?  Are you trying to expose him or  get some?)  Seb  makes her at the bar and uses his standard patter to lure her up for a photo shoot.  Horny Pippa accepts and is seduced by Seb's advances.  (NP-On the one hand, how could you do this Pippa-are you that randy, and on the other hand, Sydney Sweeney-you are built like a brick shithouse  and seem to genuinely enjoy your sex scenes so kudos to you, very convincing.)  Unfortunately, repentant Thomas comes back at this moment and sees her riding Sebby.  Pippa takes the walk home of extreme shame and sees that Thomas has apparently hung himself  from his voyeuristic revelations. (Quick NP here-at 1;24 of the sex scene, we see a bald guy in a white shirt in the reflected background .  Plotflaw!)   After that mess, her friend assures her it's not her fault and she should confront Seb about it.  She goes to his new exhibit and finds out the whole focus was on her and Thomas and their voyeuristic inclinations. (Julia is still alive, per their script)  which shocks Pippa  and their non-contrite apologies for Thomas's apparent suicide.  She flees the denial based incriminating exposure and finds secret voyeur lab at Seb's place.  Enraged, she sets up the retribution.  Suffice it to say she sends a complimentary  bottle of drugged wine to the deceitful pair, lures them to her lasix clinic, and really gets to the the final come-uppence.  At first this film seemed like your typical voyeuristic endeavor, but the plot twist and the engaged acting  (not to mention Sydney's enthusiastic participation, she is being credited as bringing boobs back) have convinced me to give this tit-illating peep show a MTSR a score of GREEN.

Hey everyone, it's me, your OLD pal Avery Mann.  Sorry about no review last week, but with all the post-Oscar parties and celebrations I attended (you should have seen what Downey Jr. did in the fountain at the Bev. Hilton-this guy) I was too worn out to work.  (Ed. note-He's full of it, he's never even stayed at a Hilton let alone post-Oscar party there.)  Anyhow, I'm back and let's leave the snooty, arty films behind (POOR THINGS-what was THAT all about?) and get back to the main stream movies that put the butts in the seats.  And by that I mean the latest Blumhouse horror slasher FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S.  This one has an interesting premise to oldsters like me, as I can (not so fondly) remember the explosion of animatronic  animal restaurants in the 80's (Chuck E. Cheese pizza leading the way).  As a youngster, I found these clunky creatures to be creepy, not cute and that's where this offering (literally) goes.  We open with a scene of a panicked security guard trying to escape unknown assailants in a supposed abandoned pizza palace.  (First Nit-pick-why does the back of house look like the lock-up storage area of a prison?  In a kids restaurant?)  He is captured and awakens shackled and manacled to an electric/torture chair and then his face gets rotary bladed away, killing him.  (You would have thought this grisly end would have made the papers, no?)  Flash forward and mall security guard Mike Schmidt (a serviceable Josh Hutcherson) is waking up for work, leaving his young sister Abby with a babysitter.  (Mom and Dad are no longer in the picture, though I don't remember the movie saying why.)  At the mall, Mike witnesses an apparent child abduction and tackles and punches the lights out of the guy. (Who turns out to be the father-OH, OH!)  Fired and out of options, he accepts a night watchman job from career counselor Steve Raglan (smarmy, weaselly Matthew Lillard of SCREAM fame).  Mike's greedy aunt Jane is trying to gain custody of Abby because he's unfit (Duh!) and to get the custody payments, so he has no choice.  The gig is at Freddy Fazbear's-a huge attraction in the 80's that was shut down for tragic reasons and saved from the wrecking ball by its sentimental owner.   Steve tells Mike the cameras and security systems still work, power is iffy.  At the job, Mike dozes and we find out the reason for the earlier mall beating.  (The biggest NP of the movie is why are the valuable machines, games, and animal figures STILL in the building?  And why does the lighted sign still come on?)   Mike dreams and we find out that when he was young, his little brother was abducted on a family camping trip (after his parents told him to watch out for little Garrett) and never seen again.  Mike's dreams evolve to feature five children who hold the key to the abduction mystery.  Of course we then get the insertion of the pretty love interest in the form of Vanessa, the night cop checking up on the place.  She turns on the show of the venue-Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie, Chicka, Foxy, and Mr. Cupcake, performing to the tune "I Know The Secrets That You Keep" (Mike can relate).  As the budding couple dances to the tune, the robots short-circuit ominously foretelling fate  for these two (yet the curtain still closes-what's up with that?)   Vanessa dishes back story that 5 kids disappeared there, prompting a shut down.  Back in the real world, evil aunt Jane  bribes babysitter Max and her boyfriend  (and dimwit posse, of course) to trash Freddy's and cause Mike to lose his job.  We all know how this is going to turn out and cue the slaughter. (3 NP's in this sequence-The change machine is still full of coins?  NO, at 46 min. in, Max is chomped in half by giant bear mouth?  and do the mascots dispose of the bodies and tidy up the massacre scene or do they call The Cleaning Lady?)  After this cop accuses Mike of negligence, nodding off on the job from his dream-searching sleep meds.   Since the babysitter's dead, Mike reluctantly brings Abby along to work.  Abby goes to the bathroom and meets Freddy and BAM, soon they're all best buds.  Through Vanessa and Abby's drawings and psychic abilities (I ALSO see dead people, Sixth Sense-remember?) it is revealed the muppets are possessed by the bitter evil ghosts of the murdered children.  It also turns out they want Abby to join their group (One of us, One of us) and dying to get in is one of the requirements!  Mike picks up on this in his dreams and leaves Abby with aunty Jane the next night.  The 5th nights dream reveals he can stay with Garrett in exchange for Abby.  At first he agrees, then changes up his mind and Whammo, he's strapped to the torture chair.  Mike somehow escapes and the ghoulies send a reserve Freddy to the house to fetch Abby. (Whatever Happened to Aunty Jane?  Full of old movie references today, ain't I?)  Freddie 2.0 and Abby take a cab(?) back to the joint and the struggle begins.  Mike and Vanessa exchange more pillow talk while forging a plan to get Abby free and she discloses the serial killer is William Afton and HE'S HER FATHER! (aka-Steve Raglan the job counselor?!  I'm so confused-Is Steve Vanessa's father or is he possessed by William Afton or what?  He's not old enough to have owned the place in the 80's.  What...ever!)  The battle for Abby begins and more laws of physics are broken.  Raglan appears (as the leader Yellow Rabbit) and manages to stab Vanessa.  Quick draw Abby saves the day though with her magical picture and cue the happy ending.  In spite of the many plot flaws and incredible illogical incomplete explanations, I found the idea to be novel and the acting was OK.  If you're a fan of the slasher genre, Freddys is your place to go.  For me, it was just so so, so I'm giving it a MTSR of YELLOW.  This has been Plotflaws.com and remember-I know the secrets that you keep!

It's the night before Oscars and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...Except Avery Mann, stirring the pot as I do.  I can feel the excitement  in the air, as it's less than 24 hours until the  96th Academy Awards ceremony.  My final stop on the red carpet road is the movie many feel is the front-runner, OPPENHEIMER.  This loooooong historical biopic about the father of the atomic bomb, J. Robert Oppenheimer, is directed by the incomparable Christopher Nolan.  Now here's the problem I have with Mr. Nolan-he always has to prove he's the smartest guy in the room (he usually is) and tells his complicated, convoluted stories in non-linear ways that the average Joe can't understand or follow without several viewings.  Can you please tone it down and tell a straight story once in a while, Professor Nolan?  Anywho, this  one is no different as it jumps back and forth between several timelines in Oppenheimer's life and career.  It starts with a great quote-Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to man.  For this he was chained to a rock and tortured for eternity (or about the length of this movie.)  We open on J. (Julius, if you must know) Robert Oppenheimer (eccentrically played by the excellent Cillian  Murphy) snapping out of a cosmic, sub-atomic daydream (he has LOTS of these) at his 1954 security hearing.  The movie jumps back and forth between 2 timelines-Fission (in color) and Fusion (in black and white) in J. R. 's career, but it's still confusing.  The questioning at the hearing brings him back to his school days at Cambridge.  One day, his mean professor makes him stay and clean up the lab instead of going to the Neils Bohr lecture with the class.  Young J. Rob shows what a fine, well-adjusted young man he is by poisoning the prof's apple with CYANIDE!  He catches it the next day as Bohr tries to bite into it-Whew!  Bohr tells him to go study in Germany with the best theoretical minds, like Heisenberg (no, not the Breaking Bad one).  We get more spacey daydreams and then BAM-we're into the b & w version where the troubled and spiteful Lewis Strauss (again disturbingly well played by Robert Downey Jr.) is up for a commission and he flashes back to trying to recruit JR for his Princeton think tank.  They go into the apt. office, look out the window, and there's EINSTEIN feeding the ducks!  Rob goes out to say howdy (Lewis is sulking that JR already is friends with the Genius) and when Lewis goes out to join the group, Einstein snubs him!  Perceiving the slight to be something Oppenheimer told him, he inwardly vows to ruin J Robert somehow-and that's the whole reason for the concurrent alternating b&w/color structure of the movie.  Petty, vindictive little shit Strauss trying to take down arrogant, rising star Oppenheimer and discrdit him.  Back to following the bouncing ball and we're back to pre-war Europe where JR learns Dutch in 6 weeks to give a lecture and meets Heisenberg.  Back to good, old USA next and Cal Tech and Berkeley days of more daydreams and some communist leanings.  He is indoctrinated while being straddled by the lovely Jean Tatlow (looking good Florence Pugh) as she has him translate a Sanskrit passage from a book ("Destroyer of Worlds" how appropriate!).  She becomes his longtime, needy mistress even after he marries his wife Kitty-an ex-commie alcoholic played by Emily Blunt.  Campus life rolls on, Sheldon meets Leonard, Howard, and Raj-wait a minute, that's another show.  J Robert Oppenheimer theorizes black holes after a mountain camping trip, gets famous and then the Germans split the atom first to spite him.  The Berkeley boys duplicate the results and Oppey (his bevoved student nickname) dreams up the Atomic Bomb-forever cursing him and us all.  Lotta flashing around and then Col. Leslie Groves bursts in like a charging bull (a stereotypically military Matt Damon) and tells Oppey he's heading the Manhattan Project and building the bomb to end all bombs.  They throw up a remote, secret town at Los Alomos, NM to build the bomb and a lot of building and plotting and train riding ensue.  (Nit-Pick at 48 min. in-Gen. Groves is riding alone on train and appears to be talking to a phone or intercom giving someone orders.  In the 1940's, on a train? NO)  More theorizing, possible danger of nuclear explosion starting chain reaction and burning up atmosphere (consensus-low probability) and a nuclear explosion test is detected in Russia (damn commies-was there a spy at Los Alomos? Hmm)  Gathering more minds (Gen. Groves appears at Christmas party with Neils Bohr, liberated from Nazi-occupied Denmark.  He tells Oppey he is the new Prometheus and has to convince the politicians this is a New World if they drop the big one.)  Some try to leave (Teller wants to work on H-bomb fusion over fission A-bomb, but JR convinces him to stay.)  Oppey tells his peeps once they use the bomb, people will understand its power and there will be world peace.(Sounds like something Putin or Kim Jong would say)  We move slowly along with the Trinity tests (NP here-they show a fish bowl filling with marbles to represent the fissionable material needed to fuel the atomic bomb detonation.  How are they pulling off all these smaller explosions, the bowl isn't even filled till the end?)  The mini tests are successful and they build a  wood scaffold to explode a big test bomb. (NP time again-As JR is climbing scaffold stairs to bomb at 1.47 in, he starts climbing on wooden steps, then suddenly he's on metal rungs, then at the top it's wood again...What?!)  The bomb is dropped at dawn after a storm passes (great quote by Gen. Groves-"Robert, try not to blow up the world.") and there is a nice burning mushroom cloud-success!  I do question the dozen or so people laying face down on mattresses outside in the blast zone (1 nut was even sitting in a lawn chair facing the blast with sunblock on his face!)  Did that really happen and did any of them live more than a year?  The President is informed and "Give em' hell" Harry Truman orders up 2 nukes to go to break Japan's stubborn, war-continuing back after Germany surrenders.  (Once again, how did they get enough fissionable material for TWO more bombs?)  At the victory celly after the test (NP-why is there a fireplace underneath the basketball hoop in the gym/meeting hall?  Better pull up fast on those layups, boys!)  Oppey hallucinates people roasting and melting away from his unholy fire and he is stricken with remorse.  Bombs away on Hiroshima (and then Nagasaki, can you believe it took 2 bombs to convince them?) and the war is over and hero J Robert Oppenheimer is summoned to the White House for his props. (small np-cover caption on Time magazine in movie of JR doesn't match the real caption.)  As tormented Oppey tells Truman he feels he has blood on his hands, Harry retorts "Do you think anyone in Hiro/Naga cares about who built the bomb?  They care about who dropped it-that was me!" (the ego on this guy)  Tough guy then tells his aide to get that crybaby out of here.  (Ed. note-Hey Mann, your review is getting as long as the movie, let's wrap it up before the Oscars air, shall we?)  Alright, YADA, YADA, YADA Truman supports H-bomb development while JR campaigns for arms control, YADA two-faced pouter Strauss acts like JR's friend while secretly engineering his demise, YADA  Oppenheimer's skeletons and communism are exposed, mistress commits suicide  YADA  hearings of Oppenheimer and Strauss drag on (resolution-one wins, the other loses-but John F. Kennedy (name drop) sticks up for Oppey)   The final flashback reveals that during the conversation with Einstein, J Robert expressed the view that he had indeed started a chain reaction -the arms race that would destroy the world.  The question is, then, is this the best movie of 2023?  Overlong by at least 30 minutes and suffering from the disjointedness I outlined earlier (a movie of this nature and scope really requires several viewings) it is nevertheless a significant and grandiose cinematic achievement and I give it a MTSR of GREEN. (For your next outing Mr. Nolan, let's try something simple-like DUMB, AND DUMBER, AND DUMBERER perhaps.)

Aloha Everyone  (It can mean goodbye and hello-confusing.  But I guess you have to double up on words a few times when your alphabet only has 13 letters.) it's your host Avery Mann back from vacation (shout out to Hawaii  Tip:  GO THERE!) and rested up for the final sprint  down the carpet to Oscar night.  This week's nominee (my first foreign film review, I'm expanding my horizons) is the South Korean film PAST LIVES.  (or You Snooze, You Lose roughly translated)  This looong distance romance (I bet it sets a distance record for the genre) centers around Na Young and Hae Sung whose relationship is played out over a period of 24 years.  The movie opens in the present with a couple at a bar trying to guess what the relationship is between the 3 people (Hae, Na, and Arthur) sitting across from them.  (First NP-In the opening scene, there is no EXIT sign behind the 3.  But the same bar scene later in the movie clearly shows the EXIT sign.  Why deja vu scene if it's from another angle?)  Flash back 24 years and budding adolescents Na and Hae have a thing for each other as they approach puberty.  Na's mother arranges a date, but it's just a cruel goodbye as the family is emigrating to Canada. (Dad is a film director/producer.)  Hae laments her departure with a simple "Bye" as they reach the literal fork in their roads.  Na begins school in Toronto, learns English, aspires to be a writer, and changes her name to Nora (Ephron, perhaps?) Moon.  Hae stays in Korea and enters his military service obligation.  Flash forward TWELVE years and Nora finds out her former friend Hae has been reaching out on Facebook to try to find her.  (Biggest NP and flaw of the movie-Why now after 12 years of no contact?  I mean there's cel phones and Skype and letters, etc. to bridge the enormous distance gap if they were meant to be.  Seems like a lazy, unexplained gap by the writer.)  They finally reconnect with a long, flirty Skype call (she's a playwright and he's an engineer) and the re-smitten duo continue to face time and try to convince each other to relocate to the others location.  (Nora-"When can you come here?"  Answer-about 1 1/2 years.  Hae-"When can you come here?"  Answer-1 year.)  They can't resolve the who's moving where issue and Hae is off to China to learn Mandarin for his job and Nora heads to Montauk for a writers workshop.  Na says let's take a break and Hae reluctantly agrees.  (On a break means nothing but trouble-haven't they seen FRIENDS?)  While there she meets (and later marries) Arthur who is a successful author.  Another 12 YEARS pass and Hae has stubbornly kept contact (and hope) alive with occasional E-mail updates.  They finally agree to meet in NYC one last time (Hae has broken up with his girlfriend and Nora has been married to Arthur for 7 years now) to see each other and find out what is (or what could have been) their relationship.  The three of them meet up (see opening scene) and catch up during what seems to be a montage for the New York City tourism bureau.   (NP- Arthur  and Nora have never taken the Staten Island Ferry or seen the Statue of Liberty before?  And they live in NYC-NO!)  Will the old sparks reignite for the distance-crossed  would be lovers or will Nora and Arthur live happily ever after?  (A long, beautiful scene of Na and Hae staring into each others' eyes  keeps you guessing til the end.)  Ultimately, even though well acted and beautifully shot, this familiar theme has been done much better in Hollywood many times.  (Nora Ephron herself has 2 or 3 of them.)  The unexplained time gaps and character development belie the depth of their connection and once again I am left puzzled by this inclusion for BEST PICTURE.  Maybe worthwhile for pure romantics, I am giving this underdeveloped offering a MTSR of RED.  (Rent SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE instead, if this is your jam)  It's great to be back and only 1 more week til the Big Night (gotta plan that party, you know), so this Avery Mann signing  off.  

Plotflaws.com is going to the dogs!  Literally.  This week we're taking a break from the Oscar hype machine and going outside (wanna go outside?!) the box with the bawdy talking dog buddy flick STRAYS.  This is your kennel master Avery (dober) Mann and this R-rated Incredible Journey tale stars Will Farrell as Reggie, a naive Border Terrier who thinks his owner Doug (Will Forte) an alcoholic, pot smoking porn addict, actually loves him. (He doesn't, he just got Reggie to please his girlfriend.)  This relationship implodes when Reggie trots out a pair of panties  NOT belonging to said girlfriend. (Not mans best friend here)  Scumbag Doug keeps Reg to spite her, causing Reggie to bond even harder.  "The only thing Doug loves more than me is his penis" enviously thinks Reg (hilarious scene of Doug manscaping in the bathroom-and an Afro sized clump of  dark pubes falls to the floor.)  "I wish I was a penis, the way he pets and plays with that thing."  When Doug gets evicted because Mom's check can't cover his rent ("Mom,  you know I can't move back in with you,  it's too close to a school!"  Real prize owner, that Doug.)  When Reggie knocks over the packing boxes and breaks D.'s favorite bong-he got to go.  Playing the I take you out and throw the ball and ditch you game, Reg repeatedly finds his way back home.  Fed up, Doug drives Reggie across state to the big city ghetto. ("Try to find your way back THIS time, fuck dog!")  Left in the slum alley ("Broken bottles and needles, so many needles" observes Reggie) our hero is menaced by 2 big bully dogs.  To the rescue comes Bug (streetwisely played by Jamie Foxx) a slightly crazy Boston Terrier who is the self-appointed leader of the strays.  He wises up Reggie to the fact that a-hole Doug left his ass and he is now a stray too. (First Nit-Pick at 8.35 in, two Afghan hooker dogs proposition Reggie-don't think there are too many stray Afghans runnin' around the ghetto, they're too valuable.)  Bug shows Reg the ropes (including the 3 rules of the strays) and introduces him to his dog park pals Hunter-a well-hung cone of shame Great Dane and Maggie-a neurotic border collie who lost  her owner's favor to a foofy little dog named Bella (yips).  The four meet up for a night on the town , eating dropped food and leftover drinks at the bar.  Thoroughly buzzed, the four take out their animal urges on the lawn gnome, owl, and deer figures in a yard. (NP-at 21 min. in, Maggie is humping the deer figure.  Female bitches don't hump, do they?)  After Bug and Reg face down their own reflections (soo dog), the gang winds down and bonds with Reggie ("I could tell the moment I sniffed your anus,  you're a great guy!" gushes Maggie.)  reinforcing the notion that Doug sucks and needs payback.  Finally convinced, Reggie vows to go back and bite his precious dick off!  The gang is on board with this plan and volunteer to help.  At 26.40 mark, the posse starts off with the bad-ass 4 abreast slo-mo walk down the street YET AGAIN! (Ardent Plea to the writers/producers/directors-can we PLEASE stop trotting out this worn-out cliche every other movie?  It's been done to death and beyond, thank you very much.)  The first leg takes them to a country fair (NP-how did the doting owner dog park pets Hunter and Maggie get out of their houses at night, let alone not be missed for a lengthy road trip?)  They encounter a "narrator dog" whose thoughts are aloud.  As he watches his owner try to pick up a pretty young girl, he thinks "I bet she doesn't know he has 3 others just like  her buried in his back yard"  Creepy!  Scared off by the fireworks (soo dog again) they head out again.  (Another humorous aside, dogs think humans pick up their poop and make chocolate out of it!  Have they ever been given any of that delicacy?  HELL NO!)  Shortcut cross country (nice STAND BY ME homage as dogs walk down the RR tracks at 44 min. in) leads to disaster as Bug is carried off by a hawk as Reg clings to his leg trying to save him. (Nutty scene here as bird-watching Dennis Quaid spies the abduction and says "Holy shit, that is the craziest thing I have ever seen, and I'm Dennis Quaid.  And Dennis Quaid has seen some shit."  Your brother too, I'd say.)   Rescued by a tree branch, the 4 decide to bond by peeing on each other (Stray rule #1-If you pee on something, you own it.) and celebrate with a mushroom feast.  Unfortunately, the hallucinating dogs tear apart a family of bunnys and are apprehended by animal control, ratted out by Hunter's old PD pals in the area looking for a lost girl, then yoink-it's off to the pound.  (NP on the pound-it looks like a human jail cell complex and there is a large cell that houses a lot of the dogs.  NO, they would all be fighting in such a set up.)  After Hunter can't quite reach the keys on the wall with his super-extended boner, they devise a plan to all poop profusely so the guard has to clean it up and he slips in it and they escape.  When they see the "devil in the sky" billboard (US Postman picture-the enemy of all dogs!) they know they are almost there.  Reggie has second thoughts about dick biting, thinking maybe he is to blame because he's a bad dog. (Classic abuse victim absolving the abuser mentality)  Bug ain't havin' this shit and pisses on Reggie's bandana/collar (precious to Reggie and better than a collar because Doug used it for his penis sneezes-EWW!)  Reggie goes it alone and heads home to reconcile with Doug, but his memories come back and he realizes it WAS Doug mistreating him, so he confronts him.  Scuzzbucket Doug snaps when he sees Reggie back yet again and tries to throttle him to death.  Heading back to the city, Bug and the others find and comfort the lost girl  scout-making them heroes.  They realize they have to return and help their PFF  (Pee Friends Forever).  Will they arrive in time to save Reggie?  (Hint-the song "Wrecking Ball" plays later in the movie)  Will Hunter and Maggie  finally get it on?  Will Bug and Reggie get new, caring owners or trip the stray life fantastic?  I won't give away the ending, but I will say this blue Homeward Bound journey was enjoyable and worth the trip.  Lessons of friendship and not taking abuse were well given and taken.  I'm giving this THE HANGOVER flavored doggy style romp a MTSR of GREEN.  It's a naughty bit of fun.  That's all for this week folks, Aloha Haoles!  (Ed. note-Sorry to inform you no column next week-Avery is off to a well deserved and long awaited vacay to Hawaii.  See you in a couple weeks.)

Welcome back movie buffs,  this week we continue our Oscar season reviews with a fantastic journey down the PINK carpet and the existential empowerment flick BARBIE.  This surreal, overly-pastelly blending of the real world and our imaginations comes from the minds of Greta Gerwig/Noah Baumbach and stars the gorgeously beautiful Margot Robbie as Barbie (Hubba, hubba as the old timers would say-perfect casting).  Our journey of self-discovery (for Barbies and Kens alike) begins with a creepy opening scene (narrated by Helen Mirren) of 1950's girls , dissatisfied with the baby doll options of their day.  A giant Barbie doll monolith appears and (ala 2001:  A Space Odyssey) the girls start smashing their dolls against the rocks like the evolving apes/humans in the 2001 story-a weird opening sequence I guess intended to impart the significance of the invention of Barbie to the young girl psyche.  Flash forward to a bird's eye view of Barbie Land-a world/ dimension/imagination of a place where girls can be anything and rule over their selves/destinies like the Barbie ideals portray.  It is a heart-shaped (of course) peninsula and has  pink sand beaches.  Barbie prime (Margot Robbie) wakes up and Barbie waves to all her Barbie sisters (since the houses have no roofs, just like the toys).  She gets up and goes through her morning routine ("fake" tooth-brushing and fake Barbie Cow Milk drinking-just like little girls would do with their dolls-a nice touch.)  Then it's off to a typical Barbie day of fun at the beach, with oodles more annoying Barbies waves of greeting.  (Interesting choice of movie playing at theater-The Wizard of Oz.  Fantasy, imagination tie-in much.)  Barbie land mirroring of the real world abounds-Barbieland sign in the hills (Hollywood sign) and Barbie Mt. Rushmore of females in the mountains.  Scads of buff, hunky Kens populate the beach (lifeguard being their only jobs, while the Barbies hold all the important jobs-scientists, doctors, madam President) and 1 odd Allan. ("Yeah, I'm confused about that." states Allan.  Was he perhaps a one-night stand that Barbie creator Ruth Handler just couldn't forget about, so he lives individually on?  Inquiring minds want to know.)  Ken prime (Ryan Gosling) challenges his main Ken rival to a "Beach Off' and cue the gigantic choreographed beach/dance party.  Barbie (from here on meaning Margot Robbie unless otherwise noted, same for Ken/Ryan Gosling) brings party crashing to a halt by asking "Do you guys ever think about dying?-WHAT!  Ken escorts Barbie home and wants to stay over.  "For what?" asks Barbie.  "I don't really know" replies Ken.  (We are imagining he longs for Barbie and wants to have sex with her -who wouldn't-but remember these dolls don't have genitals, so how would that work?  Hence the I don't really know line.)  Alas, it's girls night (like EVERY night) and Ken is rebuffed yet again.  The next morning, the waffle is burnt, the cow milk is expired, and Barbie's foot falls from its high heel arch to a flat foot stance (so gross)-what is going on here?!  Consensus is she is malfunctioning and must seek "Weird " Barbie's advice.  W.B. (hilariously portrayed by Kate McKinnon) tells her to cure her flat feet, death thoughts, and CELLULITE!? she must journey to the REAL WORLD and find out who's not playing nice with her.  (Best line by W.B. when she sees Ken-"I'd like to see what kind of nude blob he's packing under those jeans."  Why? What would you do with it anyway?)  We see a crude, funny map of the real world (australia island written upside down-get it) and the only way to get there is an epic trip using all the 2-dimensional Barbie accessories-Dream car, boat, camper, snowmobiles, rocket ships!  Puttering off across the mountain ringed desert, Barbie is startled when stowaway Ken pops up from the back seat.  He wants to help and he brought their roller blades, so there you go.  Arriving in L.A., the pastelly pair stand out and are ridiculed by the REAL locals. (At 28.40 in, Barbie self-awareingly utters the classic line "I do not have a vagina and he does not have genitals.")  Big NP here-Barbie is groped by a lecherous man (cuz' she's hot-vagina or not) she punches the creep, and SHE'S arrested!?  Not in the real world I live in, no siree!  Released, they split up to find the disturbed doll player-Ken heads into Century City (which he walks to in minutes-NO, it's way too far from the beach-NP #2) and finds out the real world is ruled by MEN!  Fueled with macho bravado (montage of images of Rocky III, Clinton?, real Mt. Rushmore and, above all, horses.) he heads back to Barbie Land (armed with a copy of "The Origins of the Patriarchy" by Godfrey Hogarth) to "wake" the Kens.  Meanwhile, Barbie heads to Davy Crockett Jr. High school (NP-it only exists in TN, not in CA) to find the girl causing her miseries.  Turns out Sasha (the presumed culprit) is the daughter of Gloria-a Mattel employee.  The arrest of B and K alerts ineptly evil Mattel CEO (erratically played by Will Ferrell) of her presence in the real world and he dispatches his equally inept goons to capture her and put her back in her Barbie "box" for  "remanufacturing".  Gloria and Sasha follow the Barbienappers and help her escape.  Turns out Gloria was causing the disruptive changes in Barbie by playing with her while having negative thoughts due to her missing the old times with her daughter-now growing up and trying to find her own way in life. (NP here-As the evil CEO tries to coax Barbie back into her box, we see snow-capped mountain views from the penthouse windows-NO, you can't see snowy mtns. from Century City.)  After briefly meeting the ghost of Ruth Handler in a maze of Mattel rooms, Gloria and Sasha liberate Barbie from Mattel's evil clutches.  They reason the way to fix it all is for Gloria and Sasha to come back to Barbie Land and inspire the Barbies with Gloria's fiery self-determination speeches. (Wait-now humans can go to the imaginary Barbie Land too?  I'm so confused)  Reversing the 2D travel montage, the three arrive back in B.L. with the bumbling Mattel execs in hot pursuit.  Things have REALLY changed back home, as the Kens are now in charge having subverted the Barbies into being their servants (per the book and our society influences)  This change is hilariously hammered home when we see a Fabio-haired sea god (John Cena) being served a beer by the subservient mermaid (Dua Lipa).  The girls return to Barbie's house to confront Ken (which he has taken over and renamed "Ken's Mojo Dojo Casa house.)   Ken angrily states that in the real world, he was someone and back here, Barbie treated him like shit and never gave him no sugar-so paybacks a bitch it'n it.  Sensing they can't help restore order, Gloria and Sasha head back for the real  world in the dream car, but Allan pops up as stowaway #2 and tells the girls he needs to escape his meaningless existence, thinking there has to be more for him in the real world.  The sign-changing construction worker Kens sense trouble and try to stop the trio, but Allan surprisingly kicks their collective asses and allows the mother/daughter bond to re-emerge.  They realize they have to help Barbie and back they head.  At Weird Barbie's lair, we see catatonic, depressed Barbie laying on the floor.  Gloria then gives an impassioned speech about society's conflicting expectations of women, restoring and inspiring Barbie to action.  Aided by W.B. and the misfit toys (I kid you not, there is a "Sugar Daddy Ken"-who owns a little foofy dog named Sugar, and a "Growing Up Skipper" who, when you raise up her arm-HER BOOBS GET BIGGER!  These were REAL dolls folks, you can't make this shit up-not this time anyway.)  The motley crew hatches a plan to separate the brainwashed Barbies from their domineering Kens and save the land, using Gloria's speeches to break the spell. ( Funny breaking of the 4th wall-angsty  depressed Barbie laments "I'm not stereotypically  Barbie pretty anymore" and narrator Helen Mirren breaks in with "Note to film makers, Margot Robbie is the wrong person to cast if you want to make this point."  So true.  The deprogrammed Barbies use their feminine wiles to invoke jealous infighting amonst the  Kens and they miss their vote to change the constitution to Ken Land (with its horse Mt. Rushmore?  What is up with all the Ken/horse symbolism?  Is that what women equate us to, horses?  SO wrong.)  Despite the Mattel forces bumbling attempts, normalcy is restored and Barbie and Ken apologize to each other and urge all to explore who they really are and seek self-determination-YAY!  Barbie realizes she just wants to be human, not perfect all the time. (Maybe the movie showing at the Barbie cinema should have been Pinocchio?)  Ruth Handler then materializes and tells Barbie her story has no ending and she will continue to evolve.  Will she grant our hero her wish to become human? (I sense the Wizard of Oz vibes foretold in the beginning)  I am going to make a bold prediction and state that this movie will join the ranks of films like "Little Women" and "Grease" as iconic must-see movies that almost ALL women and girls will know of and love, it's that relevant.  For that reason alone, I must give BARBIE a MTSR of GREEN.  (For men only, I will have to downgrade the rating to YELLOW, as not all men will like the movie and the importance it represents-guys (and horses, I guess) are like that.  Anyway, that's all for this week-Avery (fe)Mann(ine) signing off to leave you to your own self-determinations.

Roll out the Red Carpet and hooray for Hollywood-It's Oscar season!  This is your host Avery (Awards) Mann bringing you my first ever Oscar-nominated film review. (Ed. note-Yah, he's usually too cheap to shell out for  new movies to review.)  Let's start out the festivities with the highest rated movie of all the nominees (on that competitor's web site with a 97 rating) THE HOLDOVERS.  (Quick Nit-Pick aside:  What is your schtick anyway, Rotten Tomatoes?  I'm assuming your name is a jab at the old stereotype seen when early stage and cinema audiences would throw rotten fruit and vegetables  at the actors (or screen) for terrible performances to show their displeasure.  Shouldn't, then, your best movies have a "Tomato-meter"? rating of 0-no rotten tomatoes thrown means everyone liked the movie (not a 97, like this movie, that's a lot o' tamaters!)  And if your scale hits 100%, it's considered "Certified Fresh"?!  NO ONE is throwing certified fresh tomatoes anywhere, you'd keep them to cut up in a nice salad or slice up to top a sandwich or burger-Yum!  Just saying.)  Anywhiles,  our movie opens with a montage intro of Barton Academy in New England at the dawn of the Age of Aquarius (you old hippies remember) just before Christmas break.  We are then introduced to Paul Hunham (played by the always phenomenal Paul Giamatti) alcoholic, failed, curmudgeonly professor of classics at the school.  His unreasonable grading scale (F+ ?, cute Paul) gets him in hot water with Dean Woodrup after he fails a major donors' son, causing him to not get into Princeton.  Bye, bye donations!  As a penance, he is forced to baby-sit the left behind students with nowhere to go during Christmas break. ("Not for our selves alone are we born." laments Paul)  Also holding over (get it) is Mary Lamb, lunch lady whose son was killed in the Vietnam war and whose grief is  taking her over.  After enduring military school life for 6 days, one of the spoiled snots' rich daddy warbucks helicopters in and liberates 4 of inmates from Paul's cruel rule for a ski trip.  Left behind is Angus, whose parents couldn't be reached for permission.  Paul, Mary, and Angus start to build a tenuous bond between themselves, as it turns out they are all troubled and broken inside.  Paul and Angus lie and cover for each other to protect and bond.  The 3 attend a holiday party at secretary Lydia Crane's house.  Trouble predictably ensues and Paul tries to make up with a sad little Christmas celebration (featuring a tree that makes Charlie Brown's look like the Rockefeller square model)  To adequately lift holiday spirits, Paul OK's a little field trip to Boston for the trio. (Mary visiting her sister in Roxbury)  The boys bond and reveal themselves to each other. (Oh, I almost forgot the movie's best line-Paul to Mary "Life is like a henhouse ladder, short and shitty" so true.)  Turns out Paul was kicked out of Harvard for hitting a rich rival with his car after being falsely accused of plagiarism (and as if that's not bad enough, he suffers from a condition where he smells like fish-try to get laid with THAT going on!) and Angus's father is alive in a mental institution in Boston and the lad is worried he'll follow suit.  (Another classic Paulism at the book fair when a hooker propositions him "For most people, sex is 99% friction and 1% goodwill" classic) After absconding from Paul at the movies (Little Big Man) we witness a tragic, vacant reunion at the sanitarium.  Angus's father blankly says "I think they're putting something in my food."-very discomforting.  The trio tries to lighten it back up after that with a New Years Eve celebration. (One of the very few NPs in this movie is the impromptu cherries jubilee desert on the trunk of the car since the restaurant wouldn't serve minor Angus an alcoholic dessert-you can't ignite Paul's favorite Jim Beam, the alcohol content isn't high enough-so there!)  Back at school after break (Paul gives a pop-quiz to his students 1st day back-change is HARD!)  Angus's mom and step-dad show up to demand Paul's head for the little mentally disruptive side trip to the loony bin.  Paul nobly takes the  blame for the he-still-has-a-chance-in-life Angus and what will happen to the duo now?  Honestly, by this point, I didn't really care.  This movie seems like an amalgam of several different tragic, broken human movies where we see the characters try to change and redeem themselves.  Only it wasn't better or more compelling than most of the good ones and I was left bereft of connecting with these broken shells.  Paul Giamatti aside, I don't know why this semi-bland redemption tale ever earned a best picture Oscar nomination and I have to give this not-fully-invested-enough offering a MTSR of RED.  Not gonna take home the statue boys, sorry.  Crotchety critic Avery signing off til the next stroll down the crimson path.

(GOD:  avery...AVERY!  Wake up, it's time to deliver the words to the people!) ... Huh, what?!    Oh right, welcome my children.  It's your matinee movie messiah Mann (Avery, that is) here to save you from the fiery pits of boredom with this weeks' religious review of the movie NEFARIOUS (or what does the Devil think about God's plan anyway).  This faith-based thriller opens with a vacant-looking Dr. Alan Fischer straightening  his crooked diploma on the wall of his high-rise office.  He goes out the door and the sheepskin turns crooked again by itself (spooky)  and we next see the good doctor saying goodbye to his office from outside the window as he  plummets to his death.  Mission accomplished, the diploma returns to its' level position.  Forward to substitute psychiatrist Dr. James Martin heading to the Oklahoma state pen for the execution day evaluation of Edward Wayne Brady, a 6-time convicted murderer who stay on death row for 11 YEARS! is about to come to an end, pending Doc Martin's approval. (2 things here-funny shoe name Dr. and they're just now, day of, deciding if EWB is insane and unexecutable after 11 years?)  Warden Moss hopes so, so they can finally fry this bastard at 11:00 tonight. (Nice prophetic line cautions-"He'll have your head so twisted around you'll think YOU'RE the killer")  Doc Martin is put in the cell with a twitchy Edward Wayne Brady (impressively portrayed by Sean Patrick Flannery) who seems to know everything about the doc and claims to be a 3500 year old demon from Phoenician times named Nefariamus (Nefarious) who is inhabiting EWB's body.  The cheeky monkey then boasts that the Doc will have committed 3 murders of his own before the day is over,  just to prove he is who he says.  (NP here-Do we have to use all three names of every serial killer ever to make them sound more  impressive?  You were murdered by Edward Wayne Brady, not killed by Ed Brady.  And who involved was a Let's Make a Deal fan?)  Anywho, Martin calls in the chaplain for this new twist and he's dismissed by Nefarious "What are you doing here priest, Carpenter send you to gloat?" (Love the carpenter epithets N. slings around, he really doesn't like God or the Son much)  Nefarious tells Doc that EWB invited him in , so there's the rub.  N. dares M. to do the same, but he claims atheism so he can't comply. (Nefarious screams at Doc "You ignorant sack of meat, not believing won't save your sorry ass.")  Stupid Doc then complies to humor demon (will they never learn) and nothing apparently happens to him (wait for it).  Further discourse then reveals that Dr. Martin had his mother euthanized from a painful terminal illness ("That's one Jimmy!") and a hefty 3.6 million $ payday.  It also seems that Jimmy's girlfriend is about to abort their love child-too inconvenient for the big doc.  He incredulously tries to stop that one BUT, too late. (At 45 min. "And that's two James"-N.)  We are then witness to Nefarious's claims on how God set up and ran his house.  Seems in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and claimed dominion over all. (stop me if you've heard this one-jk, this is the demon's side of the story after all)  It was like "Hey, you all owe me a BIG ONE for existing, so here's the rules."  Some angels were not down with that, so they splintered off and set up their own gig in defiance of God.  Yaweh said "OK fools, if you don't like my game, I'll create humans in my image to replace you and worship me and THEY'LL be my favs."  And the fallen angels/demons  HATED that and vowed to try to tempt and ruin us all forever. (Jealous much, but by today's human lens evaluation, not much different from what our reaction would be.)  Anyway, we then go back and forth with the Doc explaining how far humans have come and N. shooting him down every time and claiming the baddies are catching up to the goodies. ("My name is legion, for we are many."-sounds familiar)    As it turns out, the whole point of this story was that Nefarious wanted Dr. Martin to write his side of the  ledger down for everyone to bear witness to. (Sort of a my side of the story fallen angel's Bible)  Stalwart Jimmy says no (even after EWB slips his cuffs and is strangling him with a chain) and the execution rolls on.  (TA DA, 3 murders, as promised)  At 1:21 in, one final plea-"What's your answer James?  Do you accept my master's offer?"  No and no, and the 2nd juicing finally kills poor Edward  Wayne Brady.  Shortly after death declaration, Doc Martin twitches and Nefarious (freed) finally comes on down.  Possessed Dr. Martin then grabs the gun of a fellow witness detective (Huge NP here- how was a witness to a sealed execution room allowed to pack a gun in the first place?  Shouldn't only the guard have been armed) and tries to fire three shots under his throat to commit suicide, claiming he is being forced to do it by Nefarious.  All 3 shots misfire  and Doc is wrestled down safely.  Later ballistics turn up that all 3 shots should have fired-saved by a miracle?   One year later, Dr. Martin is on a show plugging his new book "A Nefarious Plot"  (he wrote N.'s story anyway, but as a cautionary tale-OH, OK then, not what he wanted you to do all along.) and we get a delightful little surprise at the end.  Someone once said that the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled off was to convince Mankind that he doesn't exist.  Well, check and mate to that notion here.  Though the whole movie was just the sides of good and evil (Dr. Martin and Nefarious) battling it out , the acting was good and the script well written.  I'm going to give this let's try to live better and tip the scales  back towards the side of good (WE are LOSING this battle currently, by the way) a MTSR of GREEN.  Your prodigal son pal Avery (word of) Mann signing off and sending you out to do a little good to make this world a better place and try to tip the scales back to our favor.  Peace and cooperation to all.

G-g-g-good evening everybrrrrdy, it's below zero here, so what better time to hunker down next to a warm fire and enjoy a red hot review of the bone-chilling thriller THE PASSENGER.  This Blumhouse (think horror) offering stars the excellent  Kyle Gallner and Johnny Berchtold in an extremely well-acted story of what-ifs and tragic circumstances.   The movie opens with a foreshadowing scene of a horrified young boy with a ruler witnessing a blond woman in an apparent school setting  bleeding profusely from her hand-covered face.  Flash forward to fast-food worker "Randy" Bradley waking up to his alarm to report to his dead-end shithole job at Burgers Burgers Burgers-a BK colored dive in rural Louisiana. (Nice touch-"STEAL AWAY" plays on the radio on his commute)  Arriving for the staff meeting, co-worker Chris is admonished by Manager Hardy (Food Rating Grade C on office wall-hilarious) for his work (he's a dick/slacker)and Bradley is encouraged that he may be in line for a promotion (Cuz' he's a good boy ).  A-hole Chris doesn't like this development and shames Bradley in front of his co-worker/girlfriend into eating a day-old slimy burger.  Loner co-worker Benson can't take this bullying shit any longer and, in sympathy for gutless Brad, walks out to his car, has a smoke and grabs his trusty shotgun from his trunk and comes back in to blow bully boy Chris to Hell (Nit-Pick here-he fires point blank from the front of the next booth, but the blood splatters appear on wall 90 degrees away from blast shot?)  After dispatching witnesses (manager and annoying girlfriend of Chris)  Benson forces Bradley to help clean up crime scene (nice shot of blood-smeared trail as new buds haul corpse-Chris to freezer while he's holding his intestines in one hand) and the get-away plan begins.  All that killin' works up an appetite, so its off to the diner to make a plan (Benson-"It's a western omelet kinda morning for me" Ya think?  It shoulda been called the OK Corral Diner.)  It's revealed that Bradley is his last name (Randall Bradley-"2 first names, that's special" states waitress Marsha and then Benson proceeds to berate and denigrate her into oblivion, cuz, ya know...he's angry and bitter!) and his mom held him back in the 2nd grade due to an INCIDENT (remember opening-more later)  Benson reveals in car on the way to his home  (clean clothes and more guns, thank you very much) that he did it for RB because he has a brain and there's still hope for him if he stops being a pussy and stands up for himself. (Yes, I'm sure being involved in a murderous bloodbath will be just the kick in the pants he needs to set him on the road to great success and fortune!)  Further bonding reveals Brad had a girlfriend named Lisa (like the Simpsons says Benson-revealing his mentality) and she broke up with him because her cat Oreo died. (You can't make this shit up...Oh wait...nevermind)  Benson says step 1 in the plan is to straighten Lisa out for RB's own good so after a quick pit stop at the crib (Benson's decrepit, couch tater of a Ma asks Brad "What's that on your shirt?"  Brad-"Ketchup"  Ma-"Doesn't look like ketchup."  Ding, Ding, Ding-give her a prize!) it's off to the mall and the Animal Fun-stuff Workshop. (Brad does a crocodile and Benson a giraffe-how cute)  Lisa explains she broke with B because he didn't CARE about cat dying (or anything else).  Back on the road again, Brad finally confesses what's made him such a misfit.  Seems in the 2nd grade, the boys were kicking field goals with their pink school erasers and Miss Beard got upset and yelled at Brad only.    Pissed at being singled out, our boy takes his ruler and slings his eraser light-speed at Miss Bitchy...AND TAKES HER EYE OUT!!!  (Ralphie from A CHRISTMAS STORY got off easy, I'd say)  I mean, C'MON, an eraser?!   (Quick NP here-why did they show the bloody ruler toting opening scene in the hallway when the incident supposedly happened in the classroom?)  After a lengthy LOA, Miss Cyclops came back to be ridiculed out of the game.  "I ruined her life" laments forever traumatized Randall Bradley (times 2 now) and step two of Benson's rehabilitation plan is born.  At the school they both went to (and Miss Beard still subs at) the weekend office administrator gives this shady looking pair her HOME ADDRESS! (NO, I don't think so in this school shooter world we live in, I don't care if RB's sob story softened her or not! NP  deluxe.)  On the way out, Benson spies Mr. Bradley-a former teacher/tormentor of his and beats him mightily by his car for some satisfyingly psychotic payback (think the Phantom of the Opera dude when he takes off the mask-that was his face after the pounding)    Arriving at Miss Beard's, she greets them, recognizes Randall, and EMBRACES him!  Seems she had a rough go of it and made some bad choices BUT she has her daughter to show for it and is grateful for that. She was worried about Brad and the traumatizing effect the incident had on him and the weight is lifted from his  soul and it's all weepy relief for those two (not so for Benson in the bathroom and he has a breakdown-why can't he fix his demons so easily as Brad did?  Oh woe is me!)  The reunion love fest is ruined when the phone rings and the school tells her of Mr. Bully's fatal beating and are those 2 weird guys there, it was right after they left the school.  Benson clinches his guilt as he pulls his hands out of his coat pockets and reveals the bloody knuckles.  Jig up, enraged Benson goes to 86 teach but Brad stops him by reiterating Benson's prime directive-he will only do what is in Brad's best interest. (And this certainly doesn't qualify-shoot the woman whose life B thought he ruined, but didn't, but would if she was killed)  Grabbing her as a hostage instead, they light out again...AND STOP AT THE SAME DINER where they made a scene earlier!!!  Brad is awarded a bathroom break before they leave (he sneakily grabbed Miss B's phone and makes a beautifully executed shaky handed 911 call-great acting again) and emerges to find Marsha ripping into Benson for earlier transgression.  Of course he has to shoot her in the leg for such insolence, and it's a mob scene instantly.  Siren wails closing in, Benson thinks Miss B ratted him out and goes to shoot her and Brad steps in front, taking the bullet in absolution.  Horrified that he hurt (and was betrayed by) the person who was his only reason for continuing to live, he's finally and utterly broken and destroyed.  Telling Brad "I was NEVER in charge" he heads out of the diner to say howdy-do to the surrounding police forces, with predictable results.  Flash forward a year and we see a mended, transformed Brad babysitting Miss Beards' daughter. (And he's teaching her the eraser football field goal game-a testament to the healing power of the Benson rehabilitation program-Dr. Phil with a shotgun)  The movie ends with a pan in shot of the decorated crocodile and giraffe (Benson told his dad he wanted to be one when he grew up while they were at the zoo when he was young, and his dad laughed at him and hit him, starting the breakdown trauma train rolling from the station.)  This movie was one of the best I've seen in a long time-GREAT acting, a fast moving story that never lets up, and lessons of suffering, pain, and redemption that really rang true (except for the eraser-couldn't they have used the old shoot paper clips with a rubber band fad instead?  JEEZ!)  Anyway, I give this stellar modern-day parable a MTSR of GREEN!  This has been Avery Mann, reminding you to bundle up-it's COLD EVERYWHERE! (except up here in the balcony, where we'll be heating it up again next week-see ya then.)

Welcome back my children and a happy 2024 to all.  It's your animated host, Avery Mann(child) with this week's family-friendly, animated offering THE BAD GUYS.  This 2022 Ocean's 11 meets Zootopia caper film stars the always good Sam Rockwell as the voice of Mr. Wolf, leader of the bad guys gang. (Now before we get started, I already know what you're thinking-"But Avery, it's a CARTOON!  They can have any kind of world or logic they want, so how can YOU say what is right or wrong in the movie?  And I'll tell you this-If they talk and act like real people, I'm gonna treat their anthropomorphic asses just like the real people they're interacting with.  No free cartoon movie passes in my matinees!)   Aaanyhow, the movie opens with master thief and getaway driver Mr. Wolf and safe-cracking savant Mr. Snake planning to rob the bank across the street from a diner (which was a nostalgic, iconic near replica of longtime movie favorite Frank's Cafe in Burbank, CA-which I lived next door to in my old Hollywood acting days!)  Snake claims to have impeccable taste buds ("I can taste air") and then proceeds to dump an entire decanter of sugar in his coffee!?  Wolf is lamenting how he is the bad guy in every story, so why not be bad. (Boo-Hoo buddy, so was Trump and he made it all the way to President)  Off to rob the bank (which has a giant green $ on the bldg. and their wanted posters on the glass entrance doors-respect)  They're joined in their getaway by the rest of the gang-Mr. Piranha, bad tempered, short-fused  crazy muscle of the group: Ms. Tarantula (Webs) the computer-hacking techie : and Mr. Shark-the master of disguise (if the fake eyeglasses, nose, mustache combo constitutes a MASTER.  BUT, he once stole the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa!)  With Webs hacking the traffic lights, they get away from their arch-nemesis Police Chief Misty Luggins (who has the hilarious aggressive walk of Bluto from the old Popeye cartoons).  A quick nit-picky aside here-as Shark is running alongside the getaway car, he is BIGGER than the car, but then suddenly he is inside it and able to fit through the sunroof?  NO! there a lot of mysterious size anomalies in the movie (little Mr. Piranha is able to perfectly wear a human sized bus boy uniform later on), but that's what we get when we let toons have equal footing with humans.  Back at their loot-filled lair hidden in the LA River sewer system, they are celebrating Mr. Snake's birthday (he's a glutton scarfing all the food, his favorite?  Delicious guinea pigs-YUM!).  The TV news comes on and newly-elected Governor Diane Foxington comes on and dismisses their latest robbery as boring and predictable, infuriating Wolf. (She IS a fox, figuratively and literally and she's hip-you can tell by the studs on her left eyebrow).  She then announces the presentation of the good samaritan of the year award-The Golden Dolphin-to Professor Marmalade, a guinea pig philanthropist (Snake's eyes do that hypnotized thing) at the Museum of Fine Art (AKA the Dolby Theater in Hollywood).  THE CAPER:  Steal the Golden Dolphin-a holy grail crime that has foiled ALL the greatest crooks throughout time. (Even the legendary Crimson Paw-more on that later)  As they do the standard slo-mo gangsta walk (deja vu all over again) up to the museum in their foolproof disguises (Mr. Shark is the Lady in Red complete with MOM tattoo on his brawny fin and shark tooth necklace?  Why?  I don't see any people wearing human tooth necklaces.)  Wolfie shmoozes the foxy Gov. (maybe a little smitten?) as the crew sets up the heist.  As he's making a few side thefts to kill the time, an unexpected turn of events occurs.  As he's snatching the purse of an old lady going down the stairs, she falls and he pulls her back to safety.  She thanks him, exclaiming "You're such a good boy" (a phrase coveted by canines and lupines alike) and his TAIL STARTS TO WAG!  Could he actually like doing good? (We'll see).  Seems Professor Marmalade is getting the award for putting a positive spin on the meteorite which cratered out a big chunk of LA.(The heart-shaped Love Crater meteorite-very valuable rock, it turns out).  Elaborate plan works to perfection and as they are about to escape out the front door, Mr. W's good boy tail betrays him and they are BUSTED!  As they are about to be transported  to prison in the S.U.C.M.  (Super Ultra Crazy Maximum) swat vehicle, wily Mr. W tricks the Prof. (so he thinks) into giving them a chance at rehabilitation and being good citizens.  Foxy Gov. reluctantly agrees to give oh-so-good Marmalade a chance to turn them around at his Malibu treatment center like compound.  Good training goes bad predictably and Professor tries to use their bad tendencies for good in enlisting them to free all the experimental guinea pigs from the Sunnyside Lab.  Plan goes awry when Snake eats most of the G.P.s as they are freeing them-BUSTED AGAIN!! (Wolf is hilariously dressed in sheep costume-nice touch).  As Prof. pleads for 1 more chance for them, Mr. Wolf tries to sway Diane (Wolf:"Time to launch the charm offensive."  Shark: "Oh yeah, the full Clooney"-best line.)  The NP here is this-Is there a suave figure named George Clooney in their world (and is he a wolf or a human?) OR are they aware of his reputation in our human world OR is it a joke thrown in by the writers because they can?  HMMM.  One more chance is given and they turn it around at the Prof's place as Wolfie saving a kitten from a palm tree video by sneaky P. goes viral and turns the public tide.  Seemingly reformed gang is invited to the fundraising gala to be honored, but wavering Mr. Wolf assures Snake they are just going to get the G.D. for reals this time. (nice "Go bad or go home" fist bump-head butt moment).    With increased security at the gala, the plan is more complex (code heisted from Chief Misty Luggins' handcuffed briefcase by Snake is 1-2-3-4-5!  Now that's high security.)  When the giant tote board of donations reaches $999,999,992(!)  (Generous crowd, gold bar donations were overflowing the little girl's collection bin.) dancing and falling wolf and fox (cue tail wags) exchange secrets and Mr. Wolf can't go through with heist, alienating his crew.(Quick aside NP-in the planning set-up footage, Mr. Snake swallows the Golden Dolphin when the lights go out, but when they come back on-no sign of G.D. shape inside the snake-NO).  When the lights come on after aborted heist, the valuable meteorite is gone instead-the bad guys naturally take the rap.  As they are packed up for the pokey for good this time, actually evil two-faced sneak thief weasel Professor Marmalade confesses  he stole rock and framed the gang for it. (He's planning on using its' unique power source elements to create a guinea pig mind control device to steal all the gala donations FOR HIMSELF!  Some philanthropist!! (Classic rub-it-in-your-face line by Marmalade "Anywho (don't steal my word, rodent), big bad wolf was outsmarted again by little piggy."  The Chief seems suspicious, but the pig fools her and the bad boys are shipped off to Alcatraz for life. (Channel 6 Action News scroll reads "Bad guys arrested:  Life not at all like a movie" bestest tongue-in-cheek line of movie!)  Mysterious ninja breaks in to free them and it's ... TA-DA, Governor Foxy (big surprise) and, wait for it...she used to be the  Crimson Paw! (bigger surprise)  She gave up the bad girl life when, during heisting the Golden Dolphin, she realized she was just being what people expected and wanted her to be and not what SHE wanted.  She wants the same for Big W., but the rest of the crew ain't havin' it.  Smitten wanna-wag-it Wolfie goes with the Gov. and the rest head to lair.  They find it empty, except for one push-up pop in the freezer. (Mr. Wolf paid the loot to the Gov. as restitution for their crimes.)  When selfish Mr. Snake gives last pop to overwrought Mr. Shark, they all realize they COULD be good, after all! (Ed. note-"Hey, diarrhea brain!  Wrap it up or I'll crack your skull open and pour in some Pepto-Bismol.  You're not getting paid by the word, you're losing them.)  Alright, alright...Anyways, crew repents and joins Wolf and Fox to thwart evil Professor's world domination guinea pig mind-control scheme.  Mr. Snake sides with evil (seemingly) but is just setting up P.M. for failure by sabotaging his plot.(Highlights include Crimson Paw's Bat-Cave like lair, Wolf admonishing turncoat snake with "How does it feel working for your favorite food?" and a blob-like horde of mind-controlled guineas flooding the city-think BIG HERO 6 or Sandman,  Spiderman's foe.)  It all turns out as expected (it is a family values movie, after all) and plays out satisfyingly at the end, with some twists and turns getting to the predictable conclusion.  This parable that we can all change and be better was fast-moving, clever and just the right length to enjoy.  I loved it and gladly give this gem a MTSR of GREEN! 

QUESTION:  What do you get when you throw every  New Years' Eve romantic comedy into a blender and mix them all up like a batch of holiday eggnog?  ANSWER:  About Fate, a 2022 offering that is charming and honest enough, but C'MON!  Seriously, you can watch this and never have to watch another rom-com for the rest of your life-there's a little piece of them all in here.  This utterly predictable romp opens with insecure realtor Margot and awkward lawyer Griffin waking up in their near identical condos (identical ceiling fans-15 Maple Dr. at Alcove-Westwood and Alcove-Norwood respectively.) We know right away these 2 goofballs are meant for each other with alternating scenes of them getting ready for their  big days (she has socks on that say "I got" on one and "This" on the other, and he is shaving with a pink lady Gillette razor).  First NP at 2.20 in, Margot brushes her teeth and then drinks orange juice-NO, you don't do that, you just don't.  Off to work (after a stop at Starcups coffee-HAHA) and Margot pulls up on the sidewalk of HH real estate and diagonal parks there between the snowbanks with no possible way to get out of there-plotflaw!  Griffin proves to be the genius of his public defender posse (his friend has "I am Sam" on his dating profile and wonders why he's not getting any hits)  After work is done on December 30th, Griff is proposing to his social media influencer girlfriend Clementine (yes, like the fruit-Oh my Darling) and Margot is hoping for same from her 3 month boyfriend Kip-a third-degree Black Belt who is a contractor.  We are cleverly mislead into believing these two yutzes are with each through alternating POV shots of each going through their motions at Bennigan's restaurant.  Turns out, Margot's jerk bf Kip dumps her, leaving her with no date for her sister's wedding the next day.  Griffin gets a yes from self-absorbed drama queen Clementine, but must propose again at her N.Y. Eve  sponsor party so she can go viral. (she is very hateable, telling Griff not to use her toothbrush "Some things aren't meant to be shared and oral hygiene is one of them" and then she deep french kisses him!?  What is that all about?)  Then suddenly, as if by FATE!, they meet outside the eatery (Griff asks her "Are you OK, can I help you?"  She replies "Not unless you have a wedding ring in your pocket."  What are the odds?)  There's a brief spark, then they go separate ways.  Next day,  Margot heads to spa with gal pal Dana to console her (who hilariously pulls up the "I am Sam" profile as a sub date for her sisters wedding "He seems nice") and Griffin goes to wacky branch-flogging /sauna snow plunge ritual with law boys.  He gets too drunk and they put him in a cab to, you guessed it, the wrong 15 Maple Dr.  I guess? he was SOO drunk he didn't realize his key was hidden under a flowerpot (not his cactus(?) plant key hiding pot and didn't realize it was not his house (or his cat "Why are you so dirty?") since they both have Breakfast at Tiffanys  posters on the wall and identical ceiling fans.  Passing out naked in her bed , she then comes home and doesn't see him in her bed until she lays down on him?  NO!  Then in exchange for calling off the cops from her 911 call, he agrees to be the fake Kip at the wedding if he can leave in time for his proposal gig. (Margot LETS him use her toothbrush-fate/kismet moment, more to come)  Hi-jinks ensue en route to wedding as she convinces the LAWYER to break into the closed bridal shop to pick up sisters' veil, car breaks down and they have to hitch a ride on a hansome cab to get to wedding (old married couple, whose first date was movie, you guessed it, Breakfast at Tiffanys, gives advice and a pink coat-more fate/kismet  stuff)  A quick temporal NP here-way too much stuff and travel time occurs for these events to have transpired in just 2 days , first it's day, then night, then day-watch for it.  Predictably (yet again) fake Kip Griffin is a big hit at wedding and saves day when power goes out during walk down the aisle (stoned officiant declares "Wow, that's a GOOD sign" to darkness-in what universe?)  Wedding continues lit by Griff's orange/olive oil candles (NP here again-venue manager claims power went out due to ice on power lines, yet weather was fine when Griffin and Margot arrived sooo?)  Griff gives emotional romantic fake story about how they met and just as they're bonding for reals, real Kip shows up give Griff an ass-whuppin. (Griffin pulls a plastic water bottle on Kip and he  declares "Are you threatening me with a deadly weapon?"-best line)  Bride-zilla sis Carrie predictably overreacts to disturbance, shaming Margot and driving Griffin off to his gig-just as he was starting to feel it for Margot.  Since he had to strip off Kip's tux, he arrives at Clementine's social media/engagement bash in a track suit.("I have sponsors waiting, do you know how embarrassing this is?")    Griff comes to his senses and backs out of proposal, heading home to mope for a while.  Back at the wedding, Kip does a 180 and interrupts bouquet toss to try to propose to Margot.  Feeling it for Griff, she tells him to buzz off.  She then heads to 15 Maple Dr. to return Griff's legal briefcase and we get the penultimate kismet moment-she pulls down her dress to reveal the griffin tattoo she got on her back in college.  BAM, kissing on the bed and then Clementine shows up to ruin it (evil, cheating, selfish bitch!) and Margot runs off into the night, seemingly lost to Griff for good.  Ah but that's not how this cliche-fest rolls and at the end, when Griffen is meeting his parents for New Year's Day brunch,  he comes out of the bathroom to spy a familiar pink coat draped over a nearby booth.  Love ALWAYS wins in the end (especially in the movies).  Though predictable as death and taxes, this movie had heart and genuine performances by the leads that rang true.  Not my normal cup of tea, but if you root for love and romance winning out over all, you'll love this.  I will give it  (against my curmudgeonly nature) a MTSR of YELLOW.  This has been Avery Mann and this is Plotflaws,  Until we meet again. (It's FATE, you know)

Hey everybody, it's your old pal Avery Mann back from the edge (I went up to the edge, looked down, and thought "Eh, this is lame!"  so back I came and here I am) and I'M  FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW!  Thanks for your good wishes and hanging in there.  This weeks killer movie is M3GAN, the story of the bastard child of CHUCKY (1988) and EX MACHINA (2014).  It tells the story of   8 YO Cady who loses her parents and bonds with M3GAN (acronym for Model 3 Generative Android) a doll who (inevitably) runs amok.  The movie starts out with a commercial for PurRpetual Pets (capital PR, hmmm...) by Funki! (rip off Funko much?) a super Furby with the creepiest teeth ever on a toy.    Cut to Cady playing with hers in the car going up the mountain in a snowstorm.  They start sliding in the snow and the father stops the car.  Wife says "We can't just sit here in the middle of the road!'  Truer words were never spoken, as a plow comes speeding head on out of the snow, taking out the parents.  Back to Funki labs, where dead wife's sister Gemma is working on her secret  project MEGAN (which she financed by embezzling $100,000 from the company...without their knowledge.  C'mon, REALLY!?)   My first nit-pick here is why did the optical sensors only come on after her face was put on?  Then, during testing, she has a stroke and her head blows up...Back to the drawing board.  After that, poor orphaned sad Cady comes to live with ill-equiped, clueless Gemma, who immediately shames her by putting a water glass from the cheap nightstand onto a coaster! NICE.  Later on the therapist  Lydia comes over to see how these two misfits are getting along. When she suggests they play with a toy from Gemma's valuable, mint-in-box collection, Gemma hacks open the box with a utility knife like Chucky slashing up a victim.  No toy collectoer would EVER open the package like that...totally out of character.  Gemma tries to help Cady know how to play with the toy and Lydia interjects "It's a TOY, I'm sure its not that complicated."  Ever hear of Rubik's Cube, Lydia? (or Megan, but you'll regret that statement later...bwah, ha, ha!)  Gemma then introduces Cady to BRUCE, a robot she built in college.  The NP here is when Cady high-fives Bruce (22.12 in), it makes a metallic thunking noise like a bowling ball being dropped in an empty oil tanker.  Little kids hand is NOT going to produce that sound.   So now let's advance the story and Cady is bonded to the new, improved (fixed?) MEGAN to help cheer her up.  Later on, neighbor's dog bites Cady badly on the arm and the cop comes and says "Well, we've had no complaints  on this dog , so it's your fault...fix the hole in your fence."  WHAT?  In this day and age, that would not fly.  At 44.30 in, We see lackey Kurt  stealing the files on M3GAN with his lap top.  Problem is he accesses the LOCKED M3GAN file, no password no problem ( HUH?)  Funki then demo's MEGAN to rousing success, and we're off to the races.  Gemma then has the bright idea to take Cady to a troubled kids outing  in the woods.  I wonder why no one thought that pairing up 8 YO strangers together and sending them off into the foggy Black Forest unsupervised was a BAD idea?  Turns out it was for sociopath bully Brandon, who tortures and teases Cady and MEGAN and gets his comeuppance.  The most (only?) hilarious part of the movie is here, at 56.30 in, where MEGAN takes off on all fours after Brandon (who has the stretchiest ears ever in the movies, I must say...is his last name Plasticman?)  The sound bite they use  is straight up taken from an old western horse clopping along!!  Don't think a  20-30 lb. robot is going to make that sound running through the soft forest floor...I laughed for good minute on that one!  The killing flood gates then open, the bitch neighbor next (gotta say, helluva shot with that nailgun from 10-15 feet away, MEG).  Suspicious Gemma then brings MEGAN in for an overhaul, expressing concern of homicidal tendencies.  They see that some of her GPS and camera files have been erased or corrupted.  No worries though because stupid male assistant says "Look at her, she's a toy! ( I guess he never saw CHILD'S PLAY).  Famous last words are there for a reason I guess. I found it very COLD of Gemma to allow Funki to use Cady's tragic story at the launch to sell M3GAN to the masses, but considering the unruly, spoiled, out of control brat that Cady has turned into, I'm OK with that.(easily one of the most hateable child characters in recent memory...bad writers!)    Anyway, Gemma bubble wraps and ducts tapes MEGAN up for a trip back to the lab to deactivate her and they string her up like Jesus an the cross, but sadly forget to unplug her.  Cue the carnage and workplace slaughter, defying believability.  Can we talk physics for a second.  There is NO WAY a 20-30 lb. doll could hang a 180 lb. man on wire pulleys unless she were anchored to the floor or had magnetic shoes, no matter how strong she was, she would fly up in the air, not the victim.  (A quick aside before he dies, why did Kurt steal the M3GAN files if he wasn't going to sell them to Hasbro for zillions?  To spite his boss?  COME...ON...)  We then go to Gemma's house, where MEGAN shows up in a stolen sports car and rationalizes her motives for existence to Gemma.  Here we get the movie's best line.  GEMMA-"You KILLED people"  MEGAN-"Big whoop."    Finally, the big climactic battle begins and Gemma tries  chop dolly up and then seems to stop her by short circuiting her with a glass of water.  She comes back real fast though (my phone never recovers that fast when it gets wet, is she made of rice?)  and Cady and BRUCE have to save the day.(By the way, MEGAN seems to move a lot faster without legs)  Movie ends on an ominous note and none too soon.  Classified as a sci-fi, horror, comedy(?) movie, it fails on almost all levels and I have to give this clunker a movie traffic rating of RED.

Hello fellow babies and welcome back to Plotflaws, where we savage the movies for fun and satisfaction.  Avery Mann here and this weeks bout is Creed III, the 9th film in the Rocky series and the first one without Sly.   This franchise has had more comebacks than Don Rickles at a boozy nightclub, and here is yet another.  In the opening of the movie, Adonis sneaks out at night to go to the  Golden Gloves title fight his  buddy Damian Anderson is in. (Let me just get this rant in right off the bat...Diamond Dame is the WORST boxer nickname in the history of boxing films!  I know we're a long ways removed from the 30's and 40's, but did no one know the meaning of this word?  "Diamond DAME..How you gettin' any fame...when your chosen boxing nickname...means WOMAN?!)   Anywho,  Dame signals his checkmate punch to Adonis and knocks the chump out, winning the fight.  Problem here is there was no count, just Buffer saying winner by knockout at 5.43 into the film.    Then Donnie and Dame  head out to celebrate and Donnie encounters Leon, his abusive former foster parent.    Donnie beats the shit out of him (rightly so)  and as we come to find out  in later flashbacks in the movie, this is where  the Dame got into trouble.  Let the many Nit-Picks begin.  First of all, D.D. pulls a gun on Leon's "Boys" that are gonna get Donnie.  What boys, Leon was all alone walking out of the store.  Were they ghost "boys" that materialized out of thin air?  And even if they did come running in, Dame pulls a gun for self defense of his friend and himself  and the po-po send him away for 18 YEARS!!!    Double D must a had hella priors for that kind of sentence when he didn't even shoot anyone.    Flash forward  and Creed regains his title and we see  him at his fancy Hollywood Hills crib , having tea with daughter  Amara.  NP here is unicorn floaty is racing across pool, but no apparent wind showing on water.  Suddenly Dame reappears at Creeds Gym in the suburbs strip mall , trying to insinuate some favors from Adonis.  And now I want to talk about cars.  Why does Donnie take the Rolls to the gym to work, but chooses the Escalade to go to the title fight?  Then later on, lets  take the Rolls again to the ghetto to hunt Double D down.  WHAT?    Moving on,  at 32.42 of the movie we see the boys in Adonis'  trophy room.  The belts all look legit (except the 3rd one from the top) but that jersey hanging there is hilarious!  I'm assuming that is a Shaquille O'Neal jersey from his Phoenix stint by the color, but he wore 32 while in Phoenix and that jersey wouldn't have fit him as a toddler, much less the NBA!!  Where did he get it, from a Chinese jersey outlet?!  Onward,  at the fight party for  next championship bout, a man named Luis Comino does a Jeff Gillooly job on Drago with his trusty pipe.  How is it that no one knows that this goon came with Dame and was in prison with him?  (Makes you wonder what Dame did for Comino in the joint when he agreed to this stunt, landing him right back in the pen?)  This is later verified by momma Maryanne with a photo.  Instead of Dame getting thrown back in jail for this stunt, he is rewarded with a title fight?!  Ludicrous.   Dame then beats Chavez by cheating his way to the title, but no one seems to care until it's too late.  Just a few more NPs and I'll ring the bell on this on.  Diamond Dame shows up for his title fight in an ANKLE BRACELET that the cop has to take off.  Eighteen years  in jail he gets out and is in an ankle bracelet?  I think he paid his non-existant debt, yo.  Also, I want to protest the parenting decisions of the Creeds.  I know Amara wants to be a fighter, but do you take your pre-teen to a bloody boxing match?  Then when Dame shows his true filthy ways, Bianca shelters poor little Amara out of the venue like it's the worst thing ever.  But don't worry, she'll be back at the ringside when her Daddy fights this honorless butcher.    Also, when D.D. won the belt, Felix Chavez's name was on it...no, they don't do that in boxing.  OK to wrap things up, the movie progresses in the usual Rocky way, setting up the title grudge match between Diamond Dame and our hero Adonis.  Before the  climactic fight, the announcers state that  Dame is favored over the former champ Creed.  REALLY...he's only had one pro fight and he cheated to win that one!  Highly unlikely dumb announcers.    Just 2 more NPs and then I'll wrap it up.  I like the training in the mountains (a la De La Hoya) one minute and in an airport hangar the next.  And what's with all the belts  just lying by the ringside after everyone went home? SECURITY!  In the end, it turns out as we all hope it does in these movies and all is forgiven.  Despite the many plot flaws, I have to recommend this movie  because this is just the kind of thing we all need right now...a heartwarming tale of hope, redemption and victory against all odds.  I give this film a movie traffic signal rating of GREEN! 

Hi Everybody and welcome to the premiere episode of Plotflaws!!  I'm your host Avery Mann (not his real name-Ed.) and this weeks movie is a recent M. Night Shyamalan end of the world thriller Knock at the Cabin.  I admit I'm a big fan of his about half the time (think Sixth Sense and Split) and meh the other half (the Village, After Earth...pew).  Anyway, this one is interesting so on with the show(s)!  The movie opens with little Wen Lei collecting grasshoppers for biological study.  At 3 min. in, she puts a grasshopper in the jar and makes a 4th entry in her journal.  Problem is there are already 5 or 6 in the jar!  Maybe work on those math skills a little more Wen?  Enter Leonard and then the rest of the 4 Horsemen and the shit really hits the fan.  

The family  ( Eric, Andrew, and Wen)  are quickly overpowered and  subdued by about the 20 min mark,   but the fathers don't question why or what's going on until  the 26.30   mark as Drax is explaining their gig.   Wazzup is the first thing outta my mouth if this happened to me.  Plot plays out further and there is a nice easter egg at the first sacrifice.  If you freeze  frame the blinding  light, you can see a figure within. (Must be God, duh!  Who else could have opened and shut the door?)  Then the real fun begins as we turn on the TV news.  We get our standard M. Night appearance (38 min. in) as a pitchman for an air fryer, with the delicious closing line "and a lot less guilt!"  They cut away to the apocalyptic events and now the illogic really takes off.  At 41 min. they show the feed of the people at the beach standing there as the tidal wave bears down on them. (Whee, look at the waves, kids!)  I don't know about you, but if I see the horizon line getting higher, I'm sprinting for the bluffs just behind the beach faster than Usain Bolt!  Then, another sacrifice, cue the news and it's all about an epidemic killing children.  I guess the tidal waves were yesterday's news, but how do you even know there IS an epidemic IN ONE DAY??  Wouldn't that take a few days(or weeks) to determine?  I guess that justifies the pre-recorded news feed theory but brings up another plot flaw-the timelines of events.  One minute they're saying the sacrifices trigger the events, then they go back and say the events started 4 hours before the nut jobs arrived-which is it?  Leonard earlier in his explanation says your family will live and everyone else will die, then at 1:07.30 screams you're dooming your family-which is it?  anyway, just a couple more NPs (short for nit-picks, I'll use that a lot) and then I'll wrap it up.  At 56.17, Wen hands Eric a steak knife and he starts sawing away.  He finally gets thru the bungi cord at 1:04.07!!  Was that a steak butter knife?  And speaking of tough, how about that car window?  I know Range Rovers have shatterproof glass but pick-axe proof?  In conclusion, the ending was just what it should have been, which was refreshing for M. instead of some weird twist.  Ultimately, there were enough "Wait a minute" moments that I have to give this film a traffic signal rating of YELLOW.  A final thought in closing, when Andrew and Wen got in the car when it was all over, I thought "Boogie Shoes" on the radio was a nice touch.  Thanks for stoppin' by and I'll be back next Friday, June 16 with new movies to NP away!  Enjoy your weekend, A.Mann