For the first time in Nit-Pick of the week history, I have one that EVERYBODY will agree with. Imagine your sitting comfortably in your living room watching a movie or a favorite show. The dialogue is low, so you've got the volume up a bit. Suddenly, without warning, they cut to a commercial and you're in the middle of APOCALYPSE NOW!!! (with the choppers and the loudspeakers and the napalm and OOHH, my ears!) Why in the sam hill would the FCC allow advertisers to broadcast their annoying come-ons at nearly TWICE the decibels of the program they were just showing?! Don't they know how furious that makes us? I know there's them smart TVs that can catch and adjust that, but should I have to get one when the solution is simple: All transmissions at the same volume level please! (except maybe the EBS in case we're getting attacked or something) Leave us a message and tell us how you feel, shell-shocked Avery tuning out for now.
OK, let's get down to the nitty picky. In the blockbuster hit INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996) the Government is conducting a briefing of rag-tag pilots (and anyone who can fly a plane) for an assault mission on the giant mothership of the invading alien forces. Former fighter pilot and alcoholic weirdo Russell (played true-to-life by the incomparable Randy Quaid) chimes in that HE was abducted by aliens years ago and they all turn and look at him like he's out of his mind-AS THE WORLD IS BEING INVADED BY ALIENS!!! Who's crazy now?
This week's NPOTW comes from PREDATOR 2 (1990). In the first movie PREDATOR (1987), we are treated to the excellent effect of the heat-sensing vision of the Predator's POV-cool stuff especially for the time . It is later revealed that this is a function of their helmets, as when P-baddy removes his helmet, his vision is a blurry red/black view of our world. (No wonder they needed headgear.) But in the sequel, this rule is nullified as the Predators seem to have the same heat-sensing POV-even without their helmets on. Did they evolve in a short time or what? A couple more quick NPs that have been bothering me (you know how I am) First, you know when you're at the dentist and they tell you to bite down? This is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE! Only your lower jawbone with teeth attached can move, so shouldn't it be-bite UP? You don't throw your head forward to bring your upper teeth down on your lower jaw. This misnomer was coined by the very professionals who use it, so what does that do for your confidence in the dental industry. Second, you know how news shows (and others on TV) will sign off with a friendly "See you next time (week, episode, etc.)" Also NOT POSSIBLE! We may choose to tune in and see THEM next time they come on our screens at home, but they can't see all of us at home through their cameras or monitors-it's not a two way street people! Whew, I feel better now. This has been Avery Mann, pointing out the things that don't make sense (like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce).
Back to the movies for the bonus NPOTW. It comes from the previously reviewed THE FLASH (I can't believe I didn't point this out at the time, but we're ALL human.) When Barry and his rescue party go to rescue Kara Zor-el from the Russian gulag she is imprisoned in, she is weak and near death. As we know from many DC Superman films, the only way to weaken a Kryptonian is to use Kryptonite or the red light of an alien sun. Keeping her chained up in the dark ain't gonna do it. None of these are in evidence in this scenario, so why is she weak and subdued? Huh, HUH?!
This weeks' holiday (appropriately enough) Nit Pick of the week is a BIG one-PEOPLE fighting PEOPLE! (I leave you alone for 2 minutes and this is what happens.) Russia and Ukraine, Israel and Palestine, Democrats and Republicans, the list goes on and on. Remember the good old days (only a few years back, really) when disputing groups could communicate with each other and reach resolutions through negotiation and compromise. What happened? (personally I blame cel phones and the radiation build up degrading our social skills and personalities, but that's a WHOLE nother column) Now I'm only gonna say this once-KNOCK IT OFF!!! We have to regain the ability to work together to solve issues and see the other sides' POV. And what better time to start than Thanksgiving (it's right there in the title folks). Don't make me come down there, you'll be sorry if I do-believe me. Let's get it together and get along, because if we don't, we're doomed. Because when our AI-fueled robot overlords take over in a few years due to our inattentive bickering, you won't have choices any more-SO SHAPE UP! (I promise to get back to movie Nit-picks next column, just had to get this off my chest. It's too important an issue not to try to raise everyone's awareness of it. PEACE please.)
THE! Nit-Pick of the week is the on-going Writer's (and subsequent Actor's) strike in Hollywood. I have 3 major NP's about this topic. As a union actor (I was featured in the series finale episodes of MAD ABOUT YOU as a priest and STAR TREK: VOYAGER also) as well as a writer (I penned an hilarious episode of SEINFELD called THE BUFFET PANTS that was rejected), I am very vested in the issues of this strike. Since no new movies will be coming out shortly (very few left in the can to review), we have to end this strike soon! The greedy producers and directors in Hollywood making zillions of dollars on the movies don't care about the actors and independant writers scratching for peanuts in this industry (I'm not talking about the Scorcese's and DeNiro's,) I'm talking about the bit parts and indy writers who are about to be replaced by AI chatbot writers and CGI actors that are too close to resembling the real thing to allow HUMANS to make a living. Since I too am a writer of sorts (I am currently working on a BLOCKBUSTER script of the BEST story NEVER told...take that Hollywood!!!) as well as a column writer and advocate for my fellow actors, we need to get these issues resolved. The 3rd nit-pick is since there are no new dvd releases to review, my column will cease to exist! So let's get it together Hollywood and resolve this strike! There's plenty of money and opportunities for all of us if we stick to the main reason we all got into this crazy game-ENTERTAIN THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!!! Thank you and goodnight.
)
For this week's Nit-Pick of the week, we're stepping out of the make-believe world of the movies and into the cold, hard reality of the real world to talk about one of my favorite things to bitch about (even though I KNOW there's nothing that can be done about it)-the price of gasoline! (or as I like to call it-the government sanctioned legal extortion of the American people). Just this week, some know-it-all, predictor/influencer stated that gas prices were about to rise .50 to $1.00 a gallon due to ONE refinery being down (there are 129 refineries in the U.S. alone) in the Midwest, causing shortages. REALLY!!! You can't just make up for that by increasing production at one of the other 128 plants? The truth of the matter is, dear readers, that between the filthy Saudi's limiting the production of crude oil and the greedy gas companies limiting the production of gasoline, the price to fill your tank is artificially high and getting higher. Meanwhile, Uncle Sam just sits by (laughing) and does nothing to halt this fleecing of the American sheep, since they are in cahoots with the gas pigs and the Middle East sick sheikhs. What if something else you needed every day to survive, like insulin say, suddenly had the production limited and the prices skyrocketed?! Oh, wait a minute, that just happened . And the public outcry was so loud that Washington had to step in and take action. Why can't we do the same for the vital gas pipeline we need to get to work every day? Why should we have to have less and less fun money because fuel expenses eat into our budgets by more and more each season? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I say. Let's piss and moan loudly enough to anyone who can possibly do anything about this assault on our wallets until someone in the oil or government arenas LISTENS! Whew, that felt good! Now lets get out there and change the world, not everyone can afford these sub-par electric cars. (P.S. The day after this self-fulfilling idiot made his asinine statement, local gas prices went up 30-60 cents across the board! I wish some expert would predict that I would win the Powerball.)
Hang on to your hats everybody, we're hopping in the Way Back machine for a journey back to 1941 for this weeks Nit-Pick of the week and the all time classic CITIZEN KANE. The movie opens with the great newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane dying in his bedroom after uttering the cryptic word "Rosebud'. The entire movie is about a snoopy newspaperman trying to figure out the meaning and significance of the great man's final word. Problem is, there wasn't anyone around to hear this final utterance by Kane-he was all alone. So how did the newsies even know about Rosebud, let alone focus on it as the key to the story? I guess they weren't as savvy about editing in the 40's, what with the war going on and all. That's a wrap for this week, see you next time for another thrilling episode of...PLOTFLAWS!
This week's NP comes from greatest movie series of all time (sorry LOTR) STAR WARS. We didn't have this vital information in the original trilogy, but in the 3rd prequel REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005) Padme Amidala gives birth to Anakin's (Darth Vader) twin children-Leia and Luke. She then dies after childbirth, with Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi taking charge of the babies to conceal their presence from the victorious Sith lords until the Jedi can regather their numbers and strength to challenge their rule again. Senator Bail Organa takes in Leia to raise as her own daughter on Alderaan, but Obi-Wan has a genius idea for baby Luke. Why don't I take him back to his step aunt and uncles' pad on Tatooine (Vader's home planet, by the way) to be raised. He'll NEVER think to look for him there, we don't even need to change his last name Skywalker to something else he's so safe. WHAAAAT?! It's a miracle he made it to manhood at all with that kind of thinking. I guess mad old desert hermit Ben Kenobi secretly used the Force to keep all the Sith baby searchers away, somehow. (NOT) I guess the Dark side of the Force ain't what she used to be! (Just like the old gray mare) That's it for this week, may the Force be with you!
I have GREAT news for you all this week-NO Nit-Pick of the week this week! Instead of scolding you socially or pointing out historical movie mishaps, I am going to point out an interesting coincidence about to happen. The last time a hurricane made landfall in Hollywood was 1939! Coincidentally enough, 2 of the greatest motion pictures of all time came out that very year. Critics and fans alike will attest to the fact that GONE WITH THE WIND (how's that for a hurricane-themed title!) and THE WIZARD OF OZ (where a fierce storm picks up a house and deposits it in the land of make believe!?) are all time classics. Could that mean that future generations will consider BARBIE to be one of the all time greatest movies? Only time will tell! This has been your old long-winded fogey Avery Mann and it's time for me to blow. (get it)
The blunder of the week comes from the movie THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012). The evil villain Bane whups Batman early in the film, sending the Caped Crusader off for a little rehab action in a secret prison in the Middle East somewhere (broken back, that's a bitch to recover from). Meanwhile, back in Gotham, Bane lures the cops into a trap in Gotham's sewers. He then blows up all the bridges into the city, cutting Gothamites off from the rest of the world and trapping the police force in the sewers. Months later, when the Caped crybaby is finally convinced to come do his job again, he frees the trapped coppers from their exile underground. The glaring oversight here is they come out looking fresh as a daisy, as clean and groomed as when they reported for their first day of work! No dirt, no malnutrition, no worse for the wear. HOW!? Did they find a Holiday Inn down there? Anyway, I have one quick social NP for you before I sign off. (I know, I know-you're sick of this old fart telling you how to talk, but this is a BIG one a long time coming. And if I don't tell you how to speak in the Proper King's English, who's gonna?) Simply put, you need to stop liberally sprinkling the word LIKE into every conversation over 10 words! (especially you ladies, you know how you are). It's, like, really getting annoying and it, like, really makes you sound, like , stupid. (I KNOW...RIGHT!) So once again-STOP IT! That is all for this week from the crank you really should thank-Avery Mann. Thanks for tuning in. (and remember-I'm doing this for your own good! Sound familiar?)
This weeks classic movie Nit-Pick is from the movie INDIANA JONES AND THE CRYSTAL SKULL (2008). Early in the movie, Indy is captured by bad guys and dumped unconscious in a creepy town full of dummies (no, not studio execs, actual mannequin dummies.) A red light starts flashing and counting down and our hero realizes he is in an atomic test site and the big one is coming! He looks at the Frigidaire in the kitchen, opens it and sees it says lead-lined on the serial number tag. He pulls everything out and jumps in, closing it just as the clock strikes BOOM! Pan out to see the maelstrom consuming the town and the flying fridge tumbling through the desert for miles, finally coming to rest in the scrub. Jones then casually KICKS the fridge door open?! just in time to see the mushroom cloud rising over the obliterated village, looking fresh as a daisy! How fridge not open on its own after being punted like a football for miles, but Indy can KICK it open and barely have a scratch on him? WHAT!? Later, as he's being questioned by the military, he says he survived by closing himself in the trusty lead-lined Frigidaire. The general delivers the tongue-in-cheek ironic line of the movie and says "You locked yourself in a fridge? Those things are DEATH-TRAPS. HA HA HA! As a bonus NP, Indiana later in the movie is being chased by a horde of poison dart spewing natives. He ambushes one and kills him by blowing on the other end of the blowgun, forcing the dart backward. HUH? First of all, the dart is at the blowers end of the tube and air blown in would barely plop the feathered dart into your mouth due to feathers flattening down and no tube velocity acceleration. Second, the dart isn't poisoned at both ends (how would you load it?) Lots of liberties taken and disbelief suspended in the Indiana Jones universe for sure! That does it for this week, be sure to send comments and questions in so I can make Plotflaws better for every man (and woman and everyone else). TA TA, Avery.
The way that movies get to you is the subject of this weeks NP. A long, long time ago (when Avery Mann was only avery baby), movies premiered on Friday nights at the Theater and we all stood in line and loved it because it was an EVENT! Also because that's all there was. Flash forward a few years and the entry of the VCR (Aaaahhh!) Suddenly we could go to the video store (X months after the movie ended it's theater run) and rent or buy those movies we missed and view them in the comfort of our own homes. (much better for partying and WAY cheaper munchies) Point is you had your theater release and your home release (VHS, DVD, stream, etc.) and that was it. Zoom forward to today and I don't know what the hell they're doing (well, I DO and it's $) Movies come out at theater and some you can buy right away through some platform or other. Sometime later, they come out to buy or stream at home (but not affordably rent for yet) and then finally later yet, you can rent or stream them for cheap (think Redbox or Blockbuster?!). I say BOGUS! If it's out on Blue-ray it should be available to view for less than $20. The reason for this rant is that it makes it harder to bring you more current and relevant content on a limited budget. (Ed.note-He's not kidding, he's cheap) ... (A.M.-I am not!) Sorry, was that out loud? Anyway, I will strive to bring you more current movies (unlike this week's clunker Shazam) without having to subscribe to a jillion services and platforms. This weeks famous movie plot flaw is the classic question from the movie ARMAGEDDON (1998) Wouldn't it have been much quicker and easier to train super smart astronauts to be drillers rather than the other way around? Ben Affleck asked Michael Mann this and he told him to shut up! ("How can I have a disaster movie without a bunch of dimwits to muck it up?) That's all from the Barco-lounger, see ya next week. Ave
The LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy is the topic for this week's NP of the week. We spend over 9 hours of our time through 3 movies to get to the big climactic battles and Frodo's epic journey and struggle to destroy The One Ring (my Precious!). Then, when we think all hope is lost and the mortal races are doomed, here comes the giant Eagles to turn the tide and whup Sauron's minions. Question is...where they been! They only appear once (to rescue Gandalf from the roof of Saruman's tower) in the whole trilogy and if they are that big and powerful, why not call them in early? As far as that goes, why didn't Gandalf just saddle up Frodo and the team and fly them straight to Mt. Doom? Would have saved a lot of trouble, just sayin. I have a special BONUS nit-pick for you this week also. This is back in the social arena and it is this-Can we start to phase out the ubiquitous "LET'S GO" war chant? I think we've GO'd about as far as we can with this one. I don't know if it started on Big Brother or somewhere else, but it's run its course. Most of the time someone says it, they are already go-ing so there's no need reboot the go-SO STOP IT! That's all the ranting for this week, Avery (grumpy old) Mann signing off.
This week's famous movie Nit-Pick comes from the first TOY STORY (1995). In the movie, Andy receives a Buzz Lightyear action figure who believes he is an ACTUAL Space Ranger! Who programmed him to believe that in the first place and why does he fall down and play dead like all the other toys when an adult comes in the room, proving he IS a toy? And if he is just faking it to not be discovered-WHY? Wouldn't you want to be a sentient Space Ranger and show the world? I would. He sees a commercial later that convinces him, but still an odd tack to take initially. That's it for now and until next week "to infinity and beyond!" to spread the truth of Avery Mann.
The famous movie NP of the week is one that seems to resonate with a lot of fans. In the SUPERMAN movie franchise (especially the Henry Cavill movies) we at various times see Superman (or Clark Kent) with a 5 O' clock shadow or some scruff, then later see our hero clean shave smooth as a baby's butt. How does he SHAVE?! His skin seems to be impervious to any damage, so what's he shave with...a kryptonite razor by Gillette? Or maybe he burns off the stubble with a heat vision trick shot off a mirror? Anyway...enquiring minds want to know! That's it for this week, (A)dios (M)ijos!
Howdy folks, I'm Avery Mann (I A.M.) and I'm here with a special holiday social Nit-Pick of the week, SO LISTEN UP! You people (and you know who you are) have got to stop saying "I KNOW...RIGHT?" to every statement of fact that someone else says to you. And I'll tell you why. If someone says to you, say "I just saw on my phone 5 minutes ago that there's proof that these high temperatures are due to a 4% decrease in the ozone layer." the proper response would be "Really, or True, or Yes, or You're Right, etc..." thereby acknowledging you're agreeing with the statement made by the speaker. When you respond "I KNOW...RIGHT?" what you're doing is claiming that statement as YOUR idea and worse yet, compelling the speaker to agree to YOUR hijacking of their original thought, as if they thought of it first and you are copying them!! Think about it...and then STOP DOING IT!!! Have a safe and happy 4rth of July holiday. (I A.M.)
This weeks famous movie flaw is the entire premise of M. Night Shayamalan's (him again?!) SIGNS (2002). Why would an ultra advanced race of aliens come bazillions of light years to invade Earth( a planet made up of 70% water) if water was DEADLY to them? OK, OK they could live up in the mountains, I guess. But didn't their invasion plan include a weather report...WE HAVE RAIN HERE, duh. Kinda nullifies the whole point of the movie, doesn't it? Well, that's it for this week. It's great to be back and I'll see you next Friday where I will bring you TWO more film dissections (I owe you a week after all) from the current selections available on DVD. Till then, Avery Mann hanging in there...Peace out!
The Nit-Pick of the week this time is another classic movie The Shawshank Redemption. The scene where the warden goes into Andy Dufresne's cell the day after he busted loose is jarring and visually a masterpiece. The warden rips off the Raquel Welch poster and finds a big hole dug in the wall by the tiny rock hammer, setting our hero free. Problem is, how did he re-attach the poster as he was sliding down the hole to the sewer? I don't care personally, still a great movie! That's it for this week, I'll see you next week for more movie undressings. Til then, enjoy the time and stay safe. Avery Mann out.
I promised you guys a famous plot flaw from classic movie history and here it is. If you google the most famous gaff in movie history (and I did) the number one answer seems to be the movie Cinderella. How is it that at the stroke of midnight, everything changes back to what it was before EXCEPT the glass slipper the prince found? Things that make you go hmmm. Anyway, this weeks Nit-Pick of the week is from a movie called The Gracefield Incident (2017). Terrible B- movie (decent special EFX though) about young people being chased around in the dark by aliens at a remote cabin (sound familiar). Turns out the aliens only wanted the meteorite back that the twerps found. They take it back in the end, crack it open, and there's a little baby alien inside! You wanna talk about some neglectful parenting!! The NP though comes from the beginning of the movie 1.38 in, our hero and his pregnant girlfriend are T-boned by another car, causing her to lose the baby (hey maybe the unhappy couple deserved to keep the alien tot-they'd keep better track of the kid) and Matt ends up with a RIGHT eye full of glass shards and blood. Fast forward 10 months and we see Matt working on a glass eye with a patch over his LEFT eye! How does something like that make it past editing, did Mr. Magoo (google him, youngsters) proof this film!!! That's it for this week, take care . Avery Mann
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