GRAND CASINO HINCKLEY! Need I say more? (Ed. note-I thought we went over this before, Avery) NO, not this time , you smart-ass supervisor. Because this time I will just point the loyal readers to @dadjokedane on Tik Tok to view the entire story unfolding. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but this story (Parts 1-4) was worth over 40,000 views! So check out the uncomfortably hilarious videos and let me know what you think. The big guys think they can dump all over us little guys and get away with it scot-free? Not bloody likely! not on my watch. If you like these confrontation, retribution, vindication ambushes, I may do another (if the cause is just and right). I will be your Superman, just give me a reason. I am Avery Mann and we've had enough!!!
Sorry to linger in the world of sports (thought this was a MOVIE review website? some are thinking) but this ties in to my weekly article. Why is it that when you wear your favorite sports attire in public, strangers feel they have the right to inject themselves into your life? I know we wear the gear to show support for our team and a casual go Wolves or what's up with the Wild comment is OK, but if you don't engage the stranger, most get the hint and move on. It's the ones that persist in making conversation like you're best friends that annoy me. Maybe I don't feel like talking or I'm having a bad day. Even worse are the ones that see your logos as a target to tell you how bad the team is and berate you for it. (Yes, like I'm ON the team and personally responsible for them-see main article for the extreme scenario) Nobody needs that, so in the future, If I engage with you-great, we'll have a nice fan chat. If I don't respond and look bored-move on, we're not childhood pals after all. Thank you for being considerate.
Back to the world of sports for this weeks' I-can-hardly-stand-to-watch-it-anymore rant (and rave, don't forget the rave) How BAD is the NBA play-off officiating this year? I mean, C'MON!!! I know, every fan says THEIR team is getting the shaft (which is often true for both teams at various stages of the game), but my team gets it the worst (we all say). When a touching of pinkies long after a three point shot gets whistled and a full-on bear hug tackle on a drive down the lane doesn't? WHAAAT!? The non-stop, non-call karate chops to the head and arms are the worst. (At least you can challenge the bad called fouls) So what's going on this year, especially? Here's a theory-MO' MONEY (for the NBA of course) And here's my evidence: logically, the league makes more money the longer the play-offs go-more games, more revenue. But here's a little tidbit I came across-NBA official Scott Foster (nicknamed "the Extender"-good name for a porn star, not an impartial referee) at one point had the team behind in their play-off series winning 19 games to 2 over the team ahead in the series! And no investigation into this pattern? Of course not, since they are in cahoots to have more games and make more money off us poor addicted fans. Shame on you, NBA! We can barely afford to go to the games now, but we go with the delusion that it will be a fair, evenly-called contest. HA! (Do we need to replace you idiots with AI too?) Just sayin', it's got to stop!
We're heading down (literally) to B-movie town for this week's Pick -the 2014 creature feature CRAWL OR DIE. The premise here is an elite security team is sent to bring in the last fertile female on Earth, at all costs! Problem is a big monster is chasing after them (why, we don't seem to know). They escape down a hatch to an underground maze of increasingly smaller tunnels, relentlessly pursued by the monster. It shows the creature with a fallen team member and it's jaws are completely around the torso of the body-so it's a BIG critter. As we delve further and the tunnels go from walking size to corrugated culvert size to earthworm hole size, the protecting team is picked off by the creature one by one until only the female hope of humanity is left. Tank (odd name choice here) is finally squirming though earthen tunnels barely wider than her shoulders. And yet the creature can still pursue. HOW? It doesn't say it's a shapeshifter or doesn't seem to be making the tunnels bigger by burrowing through, it's as if it got smaller as the tunnels did. WHAT!? Dum, dum, dum-PLOTFLAW!
TRUMP or BIDEN? My Nit-Pick of the week is literally which one of these Nits (short for nitwit) to Pick this coming election. Trump is an idiot and a buffoon who doesn't seem to realize that not every thought that comes to mind needs to be issued as a tweet (or X, to be up to date) and sleepy Joe (halfway to senility) Biden has done literally nothing for the middle class (the meat and potatoes of Avery Mann) and doesn't seem like he will in the future. Your gov'ment in general doesn't seem interested in the needs and wants of the people, just concerned about the blame game and bringing the other candidates up on charges, wasting time and our taxpayer dollars, of course. What we need to do is dump the whole lot of them (which will NEVER happen) scrap the 2 party system, and just vote in people who will save this God-forsaken world before it's too late. ("You say you want a revolution?"-John Lennon)
My Nit-Pick of the week this time is YOU! All you people. What is wrong with you? (or me?) So we meet on the Internet and I invite you over to my place. We hang out for a while, have some fun and share a few laughs. Then you leave and you NEVER come back?? No visits, no texts, no e-mails. You don't tell your friends about me, it's like I don't even exist! I'm hurt, mostly because I thought we had something, we shared some special moments. Maybe you could come back and we could try again. I promise to be better and give you what you want and need. I'm nothing without you and I don't know if I can go on or even exist if you don't come back. (Editor's note-Snap out of it, Drama Queen. This is Avery's sad plea to encourage more views and spread the word to your friends. Pathetic! Throw him a bone and leave an e-mail with suggestions or comments, he's a sad case.)
Before my rant this week, my final Oscar prediction score was 3 for 6. (I mean come on Academy, when's your next chance gonna be to honor our Indigenous People? And Nolan won everything else, couldn't you throw Marty a bone? Who knows how much longer he'll be around? And the female snubs were...Ed. note-STOP, Avery! You're ranting in your pre-rant Oscar summation.) OK, OK I get sidetracked. NOW, I wanna know who's responsible. I want to know who told you women that parading around with a couple huge, black spiders riding on your eyelashes makes you more attractive, glamorous, and appealing to men (or women)? Do you do it for yourselves or each other (had to be a woman that started this), because no man, I mean NO man thinks that's attractive. Right off the bat, you've excluded yourself from wearing glasses or shades outside. And what about bugs getting caught in those webs, huh? So my advice is let's put this fad to bed (cuz' that's where these critters end up if you forget to pry them off at the de-make-uping process.) And if not, next time it snows, I'll call all you ladies over to bat your eyes at my car to clear all the snow off. Or to fan me if my AC breaks down in the heat. Fashion shouldn't include insect appendages, that is all. (A.M. for all men)
No NPOTW this week, instead it's OSCAR picks of the week. (I guess the NPs are with the losers in each category.) Without further ado, here are Avery Mann's (self-proclaimed voice of the people) Oscar winners: Best Supporting Actress-Danielle Brooks (THE COLOR PURPLE) Best Supporting Actor-Robert Downey Jr. (OPPENHEIMER) Best Leading Actress-Lily Gladstone (KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON) Best Leading Actor-Cillian Murphy (OPPENHEIMER) Best Director-Martin Scorsese (KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON) Best Picture-OPPENHEIMER That's it, let me know what you think in the comments.
I have to step out of the movie world for this weeks' NPOTW because this has been bugging me Forever! You're watching your favorite NBA team and the quarter is winding down, shot clock off. Your teams respective superstar has the ball, fancy dribbling out the clock. Finally when the clock gets to 5 or 6 seconds, they make their move toward the hoop and have to hurriedly cast up a shot or pass off to beat the buzzer. WHY? If the standard was starting the final assault at 10 seconds or so, you might have time for a couple passes, or 2 shots, or a shot and a rebound chance for a putback. I know, I know-you don't want to give the other team a last chance if you fail, but c'mon. You can't go all the way down the court in 2-3 seconds if you're playing D and not letting a trailer get open. Just saying, coaches start the final play earlier and you'll have more success, that's all.
Going back to the famous movie NP's of old as promised in the beginning, let's pick on the classic punching bag STARSHIP TROOPERS (1997). This Nazi-flavored preposterous tale is a classic man verses bug war propaganda film. With storylines like the bugs hurling an asteroid at Earth to destroy Buenos Aires and giant beetles firing plasma fart bombs into space to take out battlecruisers, this one is WAAAY out there. My favorite nit-pick of the many, though, is when Rico and the boys are sent to Planet P to aid a distress signal from the outpost there. They are soon overwhelmed by a ginormous amount of bugs. Question is, how did they build the outpost in the first place? Were the bugs sleeping? Was it winter and they were hibernating? It must have been noisy to build, you'd think. Anywho, entertaining movie nonetheless. Avery Mann asking...Do you have what it takes to be a citizen?
This weeks' hit (or miss) is on the unlimited ammo/running out of ammo at the wrong time scenario -the age old fave of the shoot-em-up genre forever. (John Wick seems to be the man here) I watched a movie called MALICIOUS (2023), your standard family out for a remote cabin vacation. OH, OH, stranger's car breaks down, can I use your phone? BAM, family captured! But, 2 other dudes show up for the same mysterious motives and we get to the NP. In a shoot-out between the first guy and the 2 dudes, they each fire about 30-40 shots at each other from their hand guns without changing clips (1 dude bites it) and then the other dude runs out of ammo-click, click, click. He then charges from 40 yards away, throwing his gun! Dimwit first guy still has 3 shots, but he also charges and wildly fires off his last three rounds?! Wouldn't ya just wait for the guy to get 10 feet away and blast him? Tell you what moviemakers, count up the guns and clips and add up the total. Then make your film around those REAL numbers, OK? This has been Ammo Mann, that's all. (I've run out of quips!)
This weeks' NPOTW is more of a disturbing observation that seems to be happening more and more. Have you noticed on your television that when a program goes to a commercial break, you see very brief images (1-3 seconds or so) of a different commercial or message that then ends and cuts to the regular commercial messages of 15-30 seconds that the advertisers paid for? What is going on here? These glitches are happening WAY too frequently on my TV to just be broadcast errors or interference, so what gives? Are we returning to the subliminal advertising influencing of the 1950's (which was banned, by the way) or are networks selling 1-3 second ads at greatly reduced rates to advertisers because we might recognize their full length ads from a short snippet and thus be similarly influenced to buy their products? (which is why subliminal advertising was banned in the first place!) Is the FCC being paid off AGAIN to allow these types of psychological cues to influence our buying behaviors? Keep your eyes open for this and let me know if you see the same thing . Aren't we bombarded with enough targeted ads on our phones, that we should have to put up with this on our TVs? Rebel, people, REBEL against the government influencer machine!!
New Year's resolutions-need I say more? (Ed. note-Yes, I think you do or your NP column is only 7 words, you yutz!) OK, what I mean is has ANYONE ever kept a resolution for even a year, let alone for good. So why do we make them when we KNOW we'll fail and then feel bad about ourselves? Is the human compulsion for self betterment stronger than our common sense or do we just have to plan to fail as part of our human nature? Says a lot about us as a species, you don't see lions saying I gotta cut down on the zebras and wildebeests and eat more vegetables. This has been Avery Mann saying the only resolution you need is to visit Plotflaws regularly for your weekly ration of common sense.
In memory of the passing of another flaw-filled year in the movies, let's look at a few NO WAY! moments from the 2011 film NEW YEAR"S EVE. The corporate New Year's Eve party would have never been so sparsely attended as portrayed in the movie. Same for the Stardust diner. After the ball drops on NYE, does everybody instantly go home or disappear into thin air? That's the only way you'd get a table in Times Square anywhere on the big night. And really, there's only TWO couples going into labor near midnight (in NYC!) to vie for the big First Baby of the Year prize bonanza. Finally, in a post 911 world in New York City, do you think security would allow scruffy, pajama bottom wearing Ashton Kutcher into the stage area WITHOUT A PASS because he claims to be the drummer for the headliner band? NOOOOO WAAAAY that would fly, he'd be in the paddy wagon before you could say Auld Lang Syne. For another year, this is your Ebeneezer of editorials Avery Mann, ringing out and syning off.
For the first time in Nit-Pick of the week history, I have one that EVERYBODY will agree with. Imagine your sitting comfortably in your living room watching a movie or a favorite show. The dialogue is low, so you've got the volume up a bit. Suddenly, without warning, they cut to a commercial and you're in the middle of APOCALYPSE NOW!!! (with the choppers and the loudspeakers and the napalm and OOHH, my ears!) Why in the sam hill would the FCC allow advertisers to broadcast their annoying come-ons at nearly TWICE the decibels of the program they were just showing?! Don't they know how furious that makes us? I know there's them smart TVs that can catch and adjust that, but should I have to get one when the solution is simple: All transmissions at the same volume level please! (except maybe the EBS in case we're getting attacked or something) Leave us a message and tell us how you feel, shell-shocked Avery tuning out for now.
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